Transition is inevitable, disruption is not always bad and, let’s face it, Shakespeare had a good point. It’s been said ad nausea that “nothing is so constant as change,” and while truth lives within the letters of that statement, too often that sentiment is invoked at times when the change is viewed negatively, unwarranted or unwanted. No, this is not a “power of positive thinking” article but when Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet Act II, Scene II) he had a good point.

In today’s economy and world circumstance, it is inevitable that companies will restructure, reorganize and make changes in an attempt to be more efficient, more effective and wiser in their ways. Unfortunately, such actions are often misunderstood, resisted and rejected by both the internal teams that are expected to carry out those transitions, and the clients who will be receiving the results of those transitions. The question is how one creates “buy-in?” The answer is simple, though not easy, and it’s found in Newton’s first law of physics: Inertia.

Inertia: An object in motion remains in motion until met by an opposing force. The problem with times of stress and transition, however, is we resort to past habits rather than new opportunities. Our old habits of intolerance creep back, all those great lessons we learned in management seminars are suddenly forgotten and there’s no time to be nice, there is just time to react. Instead of moving forward, asking what is possible; we “go back to what worked last,” or worse yet, stop thinking at all and simply engage a kind of auto-pilot to push through to the other side. Instead of learning new techniques and continuing with training and development, we pull back viewing such expenditures as superfluous or luxuries of a more affluent time. And herein lays the mistake. You can never go back and (thanks Einstein) you can’t use the same line of thinking to get out of a problem as you were using when you got into it.

Transitions are scary because they are filled with unknowns. Are you facing or implementing a transition in your business and looking for buy-in? Then go through it, not around it. Acknowledge the fears, doubts and concerns put forth by those affected. Validate their perspectives so you can create an environment that draws people in rather than simply passing down edicts that hold them an arms length away. Most people don’t need to be right, they just want to be heard, and remember, you’ve been contemplating your transition for “x” amount of time, everyone else will need time to come up to speed, understand the value, buy into the proposition, and figure out how they can step into the transition in a way that serves them as well as the transition is going to serve your company. Help them figure those questions out and anything is possible.

The question isn’t whether the transition is good or bad, as Shakespeare taught us, the answer lies in our thinking, (and might I add, our feeling). We don’t change our thinking by force or coercion, we change it over time through insight, education and the freedom to question, challenge, explore and vent. Integrate that kind of environment with your teams and clients and they will walk along side you and possibly even help you find solutions and opportunities within the transition even you didn’t think of.

Since this topic has up about a half dozen times this week alone (and the week is only 3 days old) I thought I would blog about it.

While there are MANY ways to engage in conversations and MANY theories of communication, there is one core question I ask everyone who challenges me on this topic: “What is your intention in this discussion?” With a little clarification probing, it is always to convince the other person to agree with them or at least to change the other person’s opinion.  If that is your objective then you might as well just smack them in the head an move straight to the fight.  Human beings naturally resist change, especially when they think that are right, and even more so if they are not asking for input.

Now this may sound obvious, but it’s amazing how often the obvious is overlooked. If you want to communicate and form a personal and/or a business relationship with someone who possesses a different point of view, start with a new intention.  If you intention is to learn from them why they think and feel the way they do, then there is no conflict. Stephen Covey said it best: “Seek first to understand, than to be understood.” He doesn’t say anything about convincing.

Generally speaking, the other peson is unlikely to be looking for you to change their mind, so if your satisfaction is dependent on the single, unlikely outcome that they change, you are likely to be frustrated or disappointed. However, if you intention is simply to hear and share, regardless of the outcome, the other person will feel more honored and respected.  With enough respect and honor on the table there is little room for defensiveness and confrontation.  Just imagine the places you can reach from a starting point of respect and honor.

I’ll leave you with one of my personal favorite axioms I coined: “Acceptance is not agreement.” You need not agree with another person to accept them as a likeable or lovable human being worthy of respect.  We were built with two ears and one mouth, use them proportionately.

Watch this a second time and you will have a totally different perspective, I promise!

…find something to smile about and feel good about in today’s economy and I’ll tell you to watch this:

This video was made in the Antwerp , Belgium Central Station (train). On a Monday morning, with no warning to the passengers passing through the station, a recording of Julie Andrews comes on the public address system singing “Do, Re, Mi.” As the bemused passengers watch in amazement, some 200 dancers begin to appear from the crowd and station entrances.

George Bernard Shaw

Both my wife and I have developed a network marketing business on the side, she with Shaklee and me with Send Out Cards. And one of the number one objections we get is the old school thought that only the people at the top make money with those programs, or only the first distributors make money which, or course, isn’t true.  But in light our our current economic situation and how poorly the “real” companies are being run I thought this was a fascinating perspective, not to mention quite an eye-opening perspective of corporate America.

Sorry. I just had to say that publically.  Thanks for endulging me.  I’m just tired of using and hearing the economy as an excuse.  The world is what we make it.  If we want, we can make it a collapsed economic nightmare. OR, we can make it something else.  I vote for something else, how about you? Let’s plan for the best that is humanly possible and search for all the evidence and support that it exists.

It’s January 20, 2009 and as I sit at my desk in this early morning, pre-dawn hour, I can’t help but be excited.  I feel a sense of possibility and hope, like everything’s going to be all right now.  No, I do not see Barack as the miracle worker, but I do see a change in collective attitude, a reaching out to the other side, a respect for differences and a true desire to serve.  I haven’t felt that before in a leader.

I know a lot of people are upset about Rick Warren speaking today.  He’s not my favorite preacher and I don’t agree with much of his message. But, I do accept that it is his message and as strongly as I believe in my perspective, he believes in his as well.  What I honor about Barack is that he had the courage to say that those who disagree with him and his values are citizens as well and they too deserve a voice. While other Presidents have said they serve all Americans and not just those that voted for them, the invitation to Warren shows that Barack actually means it.  None of us are going away, so we might as well find a new way of dealing with each other.  Labeling each other and pretending those that disagree with us don’t exist hasn’t work, so it’s time for a new option: Accept that their opinion is valid and deserves respect and a voice, not because I agree with it, but because I agree with their right to have it and express it.  Starting there, for a change, makes anything possible.

It’s a good day.

For the longest time I have envied my grandparent’s generation for the 100 year period they lived through.  Their generation experienced the greatest technological advances of all human history.  Their generation went from horse drawn carriages to space travel; from teletypes to cell phones; from canon balls to nuclear bombs; from the abacus to the super computer… What, I wondered, could top that?

Today is MLK Day and tomorrow is the historic inauguration of the first African American US President.  I now know that will top my grandparent’s generation. We are about to embark on the greatest Human advances in history, and never have I believed that more strongly than now. I believe, just as the 20th century ushered in more inventions than all other centuries combined (I read that somewhere), the 21st century is about usher in the same abundant and prolific advancements for humanity and human interactions. Sadly, it won’t all be good. But the net gain will be phenomenal.

OK, ok, I hear you, the world is a scary place and you only need to look at the news last week in Gaza, or the recent autocracies in Mumbai, or the 3 trampling deaths of Black Friday to try and dispute this, but I actually see those events as support for the theory rather than evidence against.  We are reaching a tipping point.  I believe the vast majority of people are seeking resolution, not resistance; compassion rather than hatred; solutions, instead of roadblocks and we’re living the human equivalent of the Doppler effect.  As this tipping point gets near, the roar of violence and negativity gets louder, the sound waves get tighter and the intensity builds.  But, the second it passes, the second we cross over this tipping point (whatever it is), the sound wave stretches out, the noise dissipates and it shifts from pushing against us to pulling us into something different, something new. That’s what we are going to experience in this human century. This intensity that is building and causing such intense pain, will pass, and as it does, it will leave us looking 180 degrees in the opposite direction and we are going to find solutions that today we can’t conceive of.

Try telling my grandfather at the age of 15 that we would fly to the moon, or carry telephones in our pockets, or drive street cars that can break 200 miles per hour – or elect a black president – and yet we are. Try telling the generations of today that we are going to beat terrorism, not with weapons, but with humanity, that compassion will become a part of our collective human experience, or that world can be united in a common good that respects differences but somehow allows for individuality and reward just the same, and you will likely get laughed out of the room. But it will.

I know, many great people have come before: Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, what makes this century different? It’s a fair question. I don’t quite see the answer yet, but I think it lies in the fact that the world is shinking by the day and there is simply no place to hid. We’re getting collectively smarter and questioning more. And an increasing number of people are tired of the crap. As the 16thC. Unitarian minister Francis David said; “We need not think alike to love alike.” And I believe more and more people are coming to that realization. As any successful person in business will tell you, the secret lies in duplication. It’s not making a dollar once that makes you wealthy, it’s making that dollar over and over and over again in a way that generates itself that makes you wealthy. The same will be true with this human evolution.  The momentum is duplicating it among more and more people and just as a successful company breds money, this new century will bred compassion and solutions to human problems. It’s time. The fact that we can’t see how it happen is irrelavant, the first step is to dream that it’s possible. Only then can we move into believing that it’s possible, and once we believe it’s possible, the tipping point will happen and we will see how.

If you are on Facebook, please check out the group titled: Global Human Strategies Initiative. Join it if so inclined, and share it with others.

After getting beaten over the head, time and again these past few weeks with the theme of “failure,” both my own and others, I decided it was time to take a stand.  So here is the stand I have chosen to take:

Failure: What a Blessing!!!

How sad a state of affairs when the only view we can take of failure is the negative; failure as proof that we “can’t” or “shouldn’t have” or that we aren’t “good enough, smart enough or talented enough.” Failure is so much better than that.

“Failure is not an option!” Says who, and what in the world do they know?  Of course failure is an option.  If success is an option than failure is an option. There are, after all, two sides to everything.  For every up there is a down, for every top a bottom, for every left a right, for every in an out… Of course failure is an option. And sometimes we choose it, if not consciously, then unconsciously by inaction. What failure is not, is the end.

If you are alive enough to realize you have failed, you are alive enough to do something about it.  Failure is insight! It’s power! It’s wisdom! And so much more. Instead of being afraid of failure, or downright desponded or depressed if you have “failed” to meet a goal or objective, what if you thought: “Wow! What a blessing!?”

J.K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame said “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all.  In which case, you failed by default.”

It’s reported that Thomas Edison failed over a thousand times in route to the light bulb, and when asked about it he replied: “I haven’t failed, I have simply found 1,000 ways that don’t work!” Now THAT’S a blessing.

Even I have fallen prey to the overwhelming feelings of failure. That feeling that, man, if only I knew then what I know now…! Well, I’ve got some great news for you.  You know now what you know now. And the question at hand isn’t why did you fail? It’s how can you succeed from here! Sometimes you have to pull back the troops and regroup; live to fight another day, so to speak. Sometimes, you have to simply barrel forward. Sometime you even have to abandon ship and start over again. It doesn’t matter what shape failure takes, all failure is, is an indication that the methods chosen up to this point are not in alignment to achieve the goals you seek. Instead of beating yourself up for the “mistakes” you made, revel in the new found knowledge of the outcome and then step forward. Take action. Choose.

Failure could be defined as that emotional state where the past is controlling the present. In other words, living in what could have been rather than what is. If that were true, than success is nothing more than that emotional state or presence where the present is in charge, learns from the past and consciously and deliberately chooses the future. After all, it ain’t over til it’s over.

What a blessing to have learned ways that don’t work so that you can choose from a smaller list of possibilities that might work. With less choices you are more likely to hit the jackpot! Remove the either/or, black and white aspects of success and failure and beneath that hard shell you will finds treasures unimagined.

Confucius said “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.” That’s generally because people spend so much time looking at what needs to be fixed instead of what is already great. Baseball analyst Bill James said it great: “If you can’t learn to do something well, then enjoy doing it badly!” Everything is beautiful, or so the song goes, the question is, what are you looking for – the reasons why something in your life, work or relationship won’t work or the reasons why it will?

Apply this to life. I was shown an article about the seven deadly sins of the workplace recently and asked to comment. My immediate response was that it’s all backwards and focuses on what’s wrong, what won’t work. This topic became a segment I did on AM Northwest, a local ABC affiliate morning show. You can view it here. So what do you get when you turn the seven deadly sins into seven empowering virtues? You get this:

• Pride becomes the virtue of Humility. Instead of being prideful and boastful about only your own accomplishments, trust that your greatness will shine through and make the effort to recognize those with whose help you were able to achieve such greatness. None of us are on the path alone and when people are acknowledged and honored, they are generally grateful want to help you more in return.
• Envy becomes the virtue of Kindness. Instead of envying what others have, revel in their successes. By being excited and positive about their successes, you plant the seed in your subconscious that says “this feels good” even it is someone else’s. As a result, you attract more of that goodness into your life. The feeling of envy only attracts more negative feelings of envy. Kindness, however, attracts kindness.
• Anger becomes the virtue of Calmness. Anger is emotion run amuck. When you feel anger welling up, ask yourself what is good about what is happening right now. Or, in the words of Bill James, if you can’t do it well, i.e. control the situation, how could you enjoy it in its current incantation? Anger is like holding the sponge of your circumstances so tight it can’t absorb anything new. Release the grip and you release the tension, as a result, you become calmer and the sponge can absorb all kinds of new possibilities.
• Greed becomes the virtue of Generosity. And generosity can stem from one powerful question: How can I be of service? Or to paraphrase President Kennedy, ask not what your boss, co-workers or others can do for you, but what can you do for them?
• Sloth becomes the virtue of Active. What can you do right now to move your goal forward? It doesn’t have to be huge. In fact, sometimes it can be quite small; a kind word, a simple gesture, or the choice not to be angry. Too often we miss the monumental little things because we think only the big ones make a difference.
• Glutton becomes the virtue of Moderation. If there is anything health science has taught us, it’s everything in moderation. So I challenge you to have an average day. If every day were phenomenal, spectacular and over the edge, it too would become ordinary by lack of anything greater to compare it to. Remember, Michael Jordon is only tall because people like me are shorter. If everyone were eight feet tall, he’s not that impressive. Moderation is the virtue of reveling in what is, a little bit of great, a little bit of not so great and a little bit of everything in between. And when you take it all together, you get an average, and that is a great place to be – there in the middle of it all.
• Lust becomes the virtue of Presence. Some things take time to build. Get out of the future and give them time to manifest. Get out of the past, it only holds you back. Instead get into the here and now so that you can make the most of the present, that simple and most valuable gift of the now. If it helps, find a touch stone to bring you back to the now, just in case you lose your way once in a while.

With all that is going in the world and our lives, it’s easy to see the sins of the world and all the things that aren’t going well, but if that is your measurement for what is possible in the here and now and into the future, then you will never find what you are looking for. The secret isn’t in fixing your weaknesses, that’s like looking for a sunrise in the west. It’s simply not there. The secret lies in building up your strengths; capitalizing on your virtues.

A five year old neighbor boy was riding his bike this weekend and in the few minutes that his family stepped inside to attend to something else – he took a tumble. Nothing serious, in fact, as far as tumbles go it was fairly low on the Richter scale catastrophe, but to him, it was clearly a big deal. Unfortunately, no matter how loud he cried, mom was nowhere to be found. So I drop my car washing rag and ran over to help. Once we were sure there were no broken bones, gushing blood or other serious injury we were able to discern the root cause of his tears, it was a rip in his bike seat.

“Wow! look at that,” I exclaimed.

“What?” he asked confused, thinking a rip was the end of the world.

“Your bike has a scar!” I said

And he smiled and giggled just a little as he wiped his eyes and said “Oh yeah! just like me” and he pointed to his legs.

“Me too,” I said, “I’ve got bunches of them – knees, arms, elbows…”

“Scars are cool!” He said

“Yeah, they kinda are, aren’t they?”

I just listened to the graduation speech Randy Pausch, the professor who gave that remarkable “Last Lecture” at Carnegie Mellon after learning of his pancreatic cancer and thought of this conversation with my neighbor boy. In this graduation speech Randy talks about how he doesn’t regret the mistakes he’s made or the embarrassing moments of his life, but of the things not done, the chances not taken and the risks not dared. For Randy, fortunately, there are few. For many of us, there are a few too many. Once this five year old boy realized that the damage to his seat was a mark of adventure, the result of pushing harder and trying more, it became a badge of honor, something cool.

Why are so many of us unwilling to make mistakes, unwilling to push just a little harder, afraid of damage. With a little black tape his granddad was able to fix the seat “good as new,” but the boy still knows what happened. And when I asked him about it a couple days later he smiled and said everything was good. Cuts, rips, scars, cracks, scratches, dents, etc. are the evidence of living. The more there are, there more stories there are to tell. If it’s been a while since you or your stuff got a scar, consider pushing the limits a little harder. And if you want the motivation to live life consciously and deliberately, watch the videos of Randy Pausch. It’s time to stop playing it safe. Get a scar!

Last year I had the honor of speaking at the graduation ceremony for a local career college here in Portland. The response was outstanding and they have since asked me back a number of times to speak at graduations as well as to run a three hour in-service workshop for the faculty. Here are just a few of the comments the faculty had to say in response to the workshop:

“The best in-service we have had, rewarding”

“Just what I needed”

The most positive impact on me was “the speaker’s ability to inspire!”

“This is far more valuable to me than a personality assessment, which we have done. Has real application potential, Great Job!”

The speech is based on the principles of H.U.M.A.N. Strategies of which perspectives is just one. If you would like to learn more, or bring this message to your organization, group, school, church or conference, please contact feel free to contact me.

I am finding a number of clients recently, and if you read my newsletter this month you know I can easily be included in this group, that are experiencing significant roadblocks in their lives and the answer is coming down to dealing with issues of clutter. I am finding that for many of us our physical environment holds a correlation between our current physical state and what we want different in our lives.

The bottom line is, when we fill our life up with stuff; boxes in the garage, clutter on the counters, an avalanche of papers on the desk, worry in the mind, weight on the body… we leave no room for something new to take hold and sprout.

While the problem may seem huge and insurmountable, the solution is often a subtle shift, a simple change that can make a break-through difference in our life, such as cleaning out just one drawer in the kitchen, or organizing the hall closet. The irony is that a small step can have nothing to do with the major clutter in front of our eyes and yet can have a significant impact just the same.

Take the issue of weight. We all know the secret to weight loss! Move more, eat healthier food and less of it. Yet, that doesn’t always work. Sometimes dramatic weight loss is but a simple shift in understanding. For instance, a client of mine realized that eating was a form of reward. Every time he felt disadvantaged or put out, he would use the phrase “I deserve_______” and fill in the blank with a cookie, latte or some other sugary snack. When we removed food as the reward, we opened up space for a new, non-food related reward as well as the possibility that the experience itself doesn’t warrant any “reward” to begin with. And that’s the point. Answers are seldom found in the problem, but more often found surrounding the issue. For this gentleman, food was the issue, not the problem, the problem was in the interpretation of his experiences. Food was just the easy out.

We hear it and say it all the time, “my life it so full!” Our days are like cups that runneth over and the thought of squeezing in time to add the simplest task, much less clean up the clutter can seem overwhelming. Well, in order to fit something new into our lives, including a new behavior, we generally need to remove something old; otherwise we get weighted down both literally and figuratively. The problem facing the removal of something lies in the stories we attach to these items.

Too often these “objects,” this clutter, is not what we see when we look at it. Instead, what we see is evidence of our incompetence, proof of our weakness, the untapped potentials in our lives, the unfulfilled goals, the dreams drifted away, the “some day we’re going to…’s” It’s not about the object at all, but rather what object represents that stands in our way of removing it from our lives so we can make room for something more serving to us.

I have clients who hold on to pain, memories and self-judgment with a Vulcan Death Grip, not because they are proud of it, but because it defines who they are and with out it, they would lose their identity. I know plenty of people who haul thousands of pounds of boxes from house to house, year to year and have not opened them for 20+ years, but refuse to let go of them because they are such “cherished memories.”

Here’s my question: If it is really a cherished memory, then why not display these boxed items with prominence and pride? What you are really saying is that the memory is held deep in your heart, where it belongs, and the physical representation has nothing to do with what is cherished. But, the thought of getting rid of it freaks you out, and yet, by getting rid of it, you make room for a new experience and a new memory.

Living with clutter, all forms of clutter, is like trying to sail a boat by keeping a line tied to the dock. You can do it, but you can only get so far. Not only will the drag of the line slow you down, but eventually you will reach the end of the rope. Cutting the line doesn’t mean you can’t sail home, but it does open up a world of possibility. So ask yourself these questions:

1) What does your environment look like? What kind of clutter are you holding onto physically, mentally or emotionally that you have carried with you day-to-day, year-to-year and refuse to let go of?

2) What is the story behind it? What are you telling yourself about this clutter that prevents you from letting it go? Is it absolutely true, or does it just feel true?

3) If it is so special, choose: Do you want to give it a prominent place of honor in your life or home or do you want to honor the memory, thus releasing the baggage from your physical life to make room for more memories, experiences and freedoms?

In one of the original Star Trek movies, Spock’s brother kidnaps the Starship Enterprise to take it past the end of the known universe in search of God. He had a gift for releasing people’s pain and as a result became a cosmic guru. In route to the end of the universe, he helped virtually everyone on board, but when it came to Kirk, Kirk refused to let go of his pain. He said he needed his pain because it is who he is. Like Kirk, we hold on to our past and our stuff because, if we lose it, we become afraid that we lose our identity as well. We think our past is who we are. It is how we have come to identify ourselves and it has become the unquestionable foundation of our lives. It’s time to question these things and the beliefs we hold on to so dear. What do these pounds of extra weight, boxes of “heirloom,” or thoughts of self-judgment really mean? Take the parts that serve you well, in a positive and empowering way, then let go of the rest and not only will you find a new level of happiness, you will open up the opportunity for experiences you can’t even anticipate yet.

I was recently asked if I am a musician, to which I answered without hesitation – “No.”It wasn’t until some time later that I realized I have played piano for over 15 years, performed at two weddings and publicly at several conferences, and received rave reviews for my custom, “unrecognizable” music. I am a musician, perhaps not in any traditional sense, but what in the world does that mean? What other ways am I limiting myself, convinced that I am not something that I very much am and want to be?

As I thought about how reluctant I was to own any truth about me actually being a musician, I began thinking about the limits so many of my clients and LQM attendees place on themselves, the power of labels and why it is so challenging for people to see the obstacle. Then I realized, it’s the same reason that the eye can not see itself, or the tooth cannot bite itself or the knife cannot cut itself. These limiting thoughts are no longer thoughts, they are no longer external objects to be examined, tested or dissected, they have become the very person holding them.

When I secretly wish I were a particular “something,’ such as a musician, and I declare that “I’m not a musician,” then I have already passed judgment on myself and accepted the sentence. The starting point from then on has nothing to do with whether or not that statement is true because truth no longer has anything to do with it. I may very well say, “I wish I could sing or play piano or paint,” but I never believe in the possibility. Little do I actually know that I absolutely can. It’s like Thomas Edison said: ” If we all did things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”

Who do you know that won’t paint because they think they’re not an artist, who won’t sing because they believe they can’t, who won’t dance because they claim to have no rhythm? Who do you know that would do something big, if only… if only they were more talented, smarter, prettier, faster, more brave or less inhibited? What are all the places people won’t go because they simply can’t get there from their current place of thinking? Who would they be if they had the courage to give up who they think they are for who they want to become? Here are three steps that can help begin the transformation:

1) Take the judgment out of it
Who would you be if your performance wasn’t judged as good or bad? Once we place judgment on ourselves or others we set in stone what we forevermore call a “truth.” “No, it’s true,” we say, “I’m a terrible artist.” Or, “trust me, I can NOT sing.” That’s not “truth.” At least it’s not permanent truth, and yet we treat it as such. As a result, we cease to be open and curious, cease seeking a deeper understanding and cease considering that our assessment may be wrong. Instead, it becomes the foundation of the thought about who we are, and every action taken from that point forward starts from that place where the judgment left us, regardless of its accuracy. If you want to be a singer, artist, dancer… then you are, judgments rooted in good and bad assessments of your talent have nothing to do with it. Once you can accept that you are how you want to see yourself, without the judgment of good or bad, then you will always be asking yourself “how can I be better?” Insatiable curiosity is far more empowering than judgment.

2) Name what you would like to be
Once the judgment is gone it’s no longer a question of whether you are good or bad. The question becomes , who would you be, or how might music or art, etc. play a role in your life? How might you engage with your children if your fear of what you are not, didn’t get in your way? Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world. What kind of impact could you have on those around you if you lived without limits, without judgment, without settling? Identify that and a world of possibilities begins to open up.

3) Drop the expectation
We have expectations about ourselves and others and about how we all should behave and respond. When we don’t get the response we “expect” it can throw us for quite the loop. We have expectations for how a boss should respond to a job well done, or a spouse to a kind surprise. We have an expectation for how our acts of bravery should be treated and how our works of art should be reviewed. When expectations fail to materialize it can lead to embarrassment, anger, frustration, judgment, doubt… What makes expectations so dangerous is that they pose as rational reality. In our head they make perfect sense. Few people can live up to our expectations. Not because they are incapable, but because they simply don’t know or understand the expectations or rules of engagement. If we expect someone to behave in a particular way, then we have to be absolutely positive that we have explained that to them from the start. Then, let go of their response. Even if they fail to live up to our expectations, that is not a cause for self-judgment, anger, disappointment, etc.

Expectations do play a vital role. They help us formulate how we want to be in a given situation and what we want to be looking for in an outcome. They are windows, not evidence, so ask yourself what expectations you have throughout the day and examine how they are impacting your experience, happiness, emotions and opinions of yourself. If unmet expectations leave you angry, sad, frustrated, confused or embarrassed, then ask yourself who you would be without the expectation. Since unmet expectations seldom, if ever, impact the person who failed to meet your expectation, take back the control. Instead of expectations, simply respond to the moment with insatiable curiosity, looking for all the things that went well, the lesson, insights and gifts. There is tremendous power in unmet expectations when you can be conscious enough to see it.

What places won’t you go to because of doubt, limiting beliefs or judgments about yourself that seem so true? If things “were different” would you really want to go there? For me, I’ve decided that I am a musician, dog gonnet! I am also an artist and a singer and a philosopher and more; not because of the quality of my output, but because of the pleasure it gives me to think of myself that way. Now when I sit down to a piano and close my eyes, or find myself staring through the keys, I have come to realize that what I actually see is music. Beautiful music. Written there on a part of my soul that is all mine. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, or even if they say anything at all, because it makes my heart sing, and that’s the only reason I play.

Celebrate what you are, notice what you have always wished you were and then claim it as yours without judgment, without expectation. Believe that if you are willing to let go of what you think you are, you will become the person you always wanted to be. Then imagine the places you WILL go.