Fair enough. But isn’t it just fake and inauthentic to pretend you’re happy or cheerful when in fact–you don’t feel that way?
Last week I talked about how we all have the power to choose our perspective, every day. We can all choose how we are going to interact with the world — we don’t have to go with our gut feeling or knee-jerk reaction. But where does that leave us in the spectrum of authenticity? Or, for that matter, does authenticity even have a spectrum?
If you feel similarly, perhaps there is some confusion as to what true authenticity is. Too often the term ‘authentic’ is used as a crutch instead of the deeply positive tool it really is. In that capacity as a crutch, it can manifest as someone giving themselves permission to be a jerk just because they feel like being a jerk. “Oh, don’t worry,” they’ll rationalize, “It ‘s just that I’m a direct person”; “I don’t beat around the bush!”; or maybe, “I don’t sugarcoat anything.” As if this is who they are, and all that they are–no exceptions and no options. But the problem is, authenticity loses its value when we put it in “Me” terms. When we come to believe that my authenticity requires me to accept the first choice of behavior that I consider, and worse, to expect/require other people to adapt to how I feel. That’s laziness and, often, just plain grumpiness–not authenticity.
How does one truly define their authentic self? We have so many versions of ourselves! You are not the same with your spouse as you are with your employees.Are you being inauthentic with your grandmother when you don’t use the same “colorful” language you use with your buddies at the pub? There are multiple layers and facets to your personality that you can always access if you so choose, and authenticity is simply accessing the best part of you rather than theeasiest part of you. As a leader, we have to consider not only what we need, but what our people need from us. What aspect of our authenticity will help those we lead the most? It might be uncomfortable because they need our authentic wisdom or compassion when the easy version is anger or judgment. It might take more work, more courage, more, dare I say it, authenticity to be the best version of yourself. After all, leadership is an act of heresy–and so is authenticity. It’s about who we chose to be, not who we let the circumstances around us “make” us be.
