aloneI recently met a woman just out of college — one of those “millennials”, I suppose, who was struggling to find a job. She was struggling, but she didn’t want any help — she wanted to do it all on her own. I asked, but she couldn’t really articulate why. Was it some kind of noble American ideal? Did she feel she had something to prove? Was asking for help a sign of weakness? I don’t know. All I know is, it broke my heart.

The more I thought about it, the more it confused me. After all, do we really do anything “on our own?”Heck, we rely on the roads other people built to get to our destinations, the tools others created to develop our art, the wisdom others taught us in order to form our thoughts and opinions…we’re never alone. Not really. And to isolate ourselves in that way runs the risk of cultivating misinformation, isolation and the inability to build trust and relationships with others.

Our culture always says ‘follow your heart’ or ‘be true to yourself’ and we too often end up going on these lifelong quests to ‘discover’ ourselves. But learning our own voice, discovering who we are in the world — that doesn’t only come from within. Part of growing up is learning to ask powerful, positive, insatiably curious questions; to accept help; and learn about who you are in the reflection and support of others.

Ironically, we sometimes can’t get a clear and authentic view of ourselves until we have the courage and willingness to see ourselves reflected back in the eyes of others.

What do you think?