Have you ever noticed how some of our most profound lessons are found 180º from where we are looking and expecting them to be? If you’ve coached with me recently, you know I really love using the CVI as a resource. If you know nothing about it, it’s an index to help people identify their core underlying values that drive how they make decisions and respond/react to the world around them. I find it can reveal so much about our own values, desires, intentions and areas of conflict. And sometimes the insights are completely bass-ackwards.
For instance, we learn through the CVI that people have dominant positive values and corresponding negative behaviors that engage when those core values are dishonored or disrespected. Of course, no one likes to think of themselves as falling under the influence of these negative behaviors and yet everyone does. Here’s where it gets interesting.
An older client of mine was completely intimidated by technology, more specifically the iPad, which a lot of people understandably are. But what I noticed after she took the CVI was that “Builder” was this person’s lowest value. Builders are those who value power, who trust their gut and have innate confidence in their decisions. When they are dishonored, Builders will often resort to intimidation. Now, notice how that works, when a Builder is dishonored, they resort to intimidation of others. What I found to be a fascinating twist is that in this case, her lowest value was Builder. She doesn’t have nearly the value of power and high faith in herself that one on this quadrant would possess and as a result, this person rarely, if ever, resorts to intimidation of others when dishonored. Instead, the exact opposite occurred.
In this case, because my client lacks the supreme confidence in herself with regard to this technology, she let the technology take on the role of the offended Builder, letting the technology intimidate her as well as any human bully could. Isn’t it interesting how sometimes we don’t even need others to reign their negativity down upon us? We do it to ourselves just fine. And an iPad is an inanimate object. It can’t intimidate, love, encourage or discourage and yet she gave it all of that human power. Her low trust of herself drew out the intimidation she might have received from a Builder and gave it to the iPad. Fascinating. We can use those negative conflict strategies against ourselves. We can create intimidation without another human being present.
If you’ve taken the CVI, check what you’re lowest score is. Consider where you might be allowing intimidation, manipulation, interrogation, or judgement to affect you from the inside. Take a moment and assess what you’re allowing to bring you down–internally. Make a choice to take back that power.
And, if you’re up for it, let me know how it goes!
Photo via Wonderland on Flickr under the Creative Commons License.
