The Way Things Are To Be Seen

George Carlin famously said: “Have you ever noticed when someone is driving faster than you they’re an idiot, but when they drive slower than you they’re a moron?!” Oh, how easy it is to judge those that don’t do things just right, in other words–My Way!  

One of my other favorite quotes is by Anais Nin: “We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” Do you see the theme? We see things the way we see them and think that is the way they are to be seen.

I was recently working with a client who, in terms of the Core Values Index, would be called a very high Merchant/Innovator. (Most of you know that I use the CVI regularly in my work–it’s an index which helps individuals understand their deepest, internal values, and how those values affect their choices and lifestyles.) By definition, Merchant/Innovators are very relationship focused and are all about love, compassion, wisdom and problem-solving. As a result, being the “people”-people, they run the risk of seeing those different from themselves as arrogant, cold, intimidating or aloof. In other words, very different from the kind, caring, humanistic and compassionate characteristics they so highly value.

Just like this client of mine, I also am a very high Merchant/Innovator. I’ve noticed recently that Merchants in particular can have a difficult time accessing their CVI value of Builder. Builders are those folks that value power, action, and results and have a deep faith in themselves for knowing what needs to be done both now and next. Lately I have been noticing among clients that Merchants tend to believe that if they move into one quadrant, we automatically abandon the others, and since Builders are often seen as negative by non-builders (especially us love-centered Merchants), we don’t want to step into that. We have this mixed-up view that Builders are arrogant or even aggressive, and Merchants want nothing to do with that.

But here’s the thing: stepping into your Builder does not mean that you have to abandon the compassion, wisdom, love, or relationships that Merchant/Innovators value so deeply. It just means accessing the confidence and action of the Builder through a different doorway. Think of it this way: Picture yourself in a house. Out the north door, you see a beautiful meadow. Out the East door, you see the winding road of the neighborhood. Out the South door you see the driveway and garage, and out the West door you see a view of the town down in the valley.  That might be what you see, but the reality is it doesn’t matter which door you go through. Whichever door you use, you’re going to end up outside! 

If your circumstance is calling for you to step up as a Builder, to take action, to have the faith and confidence in your knowing, then realize you can take that action through any door. You can take that action with love, and wisdom, and compassion – so walk through THAT door. Where’s it written that to be “powerful & confident” you have to be cold and arrogant? You can access that power and confidence through the filter of your Merchant. More importantly–you WANT TO.

I have never met anyone that doesn’t have some of all the values in their index. What that means is that we are ALL Builders to some extent. We are all born of confidence and the faith in knowing that we know what to do and what to do next. It’s just that some of us resist it because it doesn’t feel as comfortable or important as other values. Instead of judging the qualities you don’t like about the Builder, choose to step into the Builder value with compassion, love, wisdom, and a solution-oriented focus. This way you honor your core values and retain the full benefit of the secondary values, while sacrificing nothing.

Even if you’re an extreme Merchant/Innovator, if you never access your Builder or Banker you’ll be like a four-cylinder engine running on two cylinders. Trust me when I say: You’re going to be happiest and most productive if you’re running fully on all four cylinders!