“Alright, now–everyone up, and move to the opposite side of the room,” I said a few minutes into a keynote address. “If you’re on the right, go left, if you’re on the left, go right…if you’re in the front, move the the back, and if you’re in the back, move to the front!”
Then in the pause that had everyone wondering if I was serious, I said, “Ready, go!”
Then came the interesting part. About two-thirds of the audience got up and followed my “lead.” Some extremely eagerly–they were across the room in a snap. But about a third of the room did not. Not only that, many of those who remained seated adamantly did not. They sat in their chairs, arms folded, eyebrows raised, as if to say, really? Make me!
Moments into the transition and chaos, I called for everyone to stop. I asked those who were moving why they were moving–why did they listen to me?
“You’re in charge.”
“We trusted you.”
“We figured you had a good reason.”
“Where did the trust come from?” I asked.
“Well, we trust Ginger (who hired me) and since Ginger trusts you, I trust you.”
“You’re the speaker and I trusted your credentials.”
“You asked.”
And when I asked the same of those who didn’t move…
“We didn’t know why you wanted us to move.”
“We didn’t trust you–you hadn’t given us a reason to yet,”
“We were confused, it didn’t make sense, and I couldn’t figure out the value.”
“We thought it was silly–why should we waste time?
“I like where I am.”
What followed was a really beautiful dialogue about what leadership really is.
As leaders, we often assume that people will automatically follow us just because we’re in charge and we “say so.” But what became abundantly clear is this: title & position can demand leadership only when people really trust you or have a reason to believe in you and what you are doing. When they disagree with you, or fail to trust your leadership, your position has no bearing on their willingness to “follow your lead.”
Here’s the truth: Leadership begins when confronted by those who disagree with you. Anyone can lead people who agree with them, voted for them, believe in them. The real question is, can you lead those who don’t?
We too often fall into a mindset that says “you’re either with me or against me.” It’s a by-product of our throwaway society. If it breaks, we don’t fix it, we replace it. If you disagree me, I’ll just fire you, or ignore you and replace you with someone who believes in me. Then leadership will be easy. We’ve devolved into this idea that I only have to lead those who agree with me. What’s worse is that too many people believe that to lead those who disagree with us, we have to give something up. That’s just not true.
The real question is not what I have to give up, but how can I lead those who disagree with me while maintaining the values I hold deep? How can I connect with them? Leadership is building trust, building relationships, building a connection, and creating partnerships even with those who aren’t so crazy about the fact that you’re their leader.
Leadership doesn’t begin by telling people what to do, such as “move across the room,” and having them do it.
Leadership begins when they remain seated and you get to find a reason and a way to connect, to inspire, to influence…and to lead.
Photo via D Sharon Pruitt on flickr under the CC license
