Last week I shared some ideas for how to raise your children to be leaders.Remember, leadership is learned. They say some are born leaders, maybe, but t’s a skill, just like any other! And you can help your child cultivate that skill from an early age.
Like any untrained leader, children and teens (and adults) will need help reframing.Seeing the reasons they can’t do something is easy – naysaying is all around us. So the natural tendency is to play small, to do what seems reasonable. When my daughter started fundraising to build a well in Sudan, she set her goal as $5,000. But the cost for building a well is $15,000. That number just seemed so outlandish, so huge, that Sarah didn’t believe it was even possible – and the naysayers, those without vision, without courage, without the ability to reframe a challenge were right there reinforcing the impossibility of the goal. That’s what reframing is for. Encourage your child not to see the limits, but see the possibilities. $15,000 isn’t too big — $15,000 is what it takes. Now, the more Sarah sees her project coming to life, the more excited she gets. The irony is that now when others express doubt, the same kind of doubt she experienced herself, it can be empowering. Comments such as “Wow, don’t you think $15,000 is too big a goal?” or “Why don’t you reach for something more reasonable?” become motivators. She set the goal at $15k irrespective of big or small — it’s what solves the problem. She didn’t make up that number, that IS the number. Leadership isn’t about doing what is comfortable, it’s about doing what is calling to be done.
Similarly my youngest daughter came home one day complaining about lunch and recess. She said everyone is so eager to get outside, they are rushing through lunch and they don’t have enough time to eat. Ironically, that same afternoon NPR did an article about this very problem and how a school back east switched the two, making recess first. Then, when the students came in for lunch they ate better, threw less food away and were better behaved in afternoon classes. Armed with this article, her own perspective and the comments of friends, we were able to reframe the problem and possibility. Leah entered school the next day and set up an appointment with the principal to discuss lunch and recess. The meeting went great, the principal respected Leah’s efforts, continued the study and the next school year they implemented the change.
Leadership has a lot to do with taking the time to stop and listen to what you are saying, thinking and feeling – those places where ideas are sparked, then having a reflection to show us what it is we are saying – sometimes we simply can’t hear the wisdom coming our of our own mouths. Then instead of listening to the voices that say it can’t be done, you seek out other voices that have the courage to see things another way. As a coach, one of my favorite phrases to hear from a client is “Wow! I never thought of it that way,” because once they “see it that way,” they begin moving in a new direction.
Reframing helps your emerging leader see possibilities. But remember, they’re leaders in training, and repetition is the mother of learning. They don’t get it the first time, and they can’t always see the bigger picture, and that’s where we come in.
