What Say Ye?
You need not look far to realize that while the song may proclaim this “The most wonderful time of the year” the truth of the matter is something quite different. Listening to neighbors, friends, the media, even the venerable Oprah Winfrey, there is less about good wishes and joyous times and more about the stress. The negative always takes the lead. On Oprah’s website she speaks of “surviving the holidays” and how “the holidays can be so demanding.” I was even called by a local talk show this month to come speak about “managing the stresses of the season.” I called the segment “Deck the Halls, Not the People!” (click here to watch) While many, including me, offer tips and ideas for handling and overcoming the stress, the language is still “stress,” “obligations,” “too little money,” “too little time,” or “traditional family feuds.” What in the name of Kris Kringle are we saying to ourselves?
Here’s the bottom line: What you focus on you will find. Focus on the stress and there will be plenty of examples to prove you correct, after all, there’s traffic, crowds, neighbors with better decorations or a prettier tree, last year Uncle Charlie got drunk and may likely do so again this year, and the list goes on. Focus on the joys, however, seek the merry and bright, look for the playful, goofy or downright hysterical parts of the holiday, and you will find plenty of those as well; such as the fellow with two grocery carts full of food who lets you ahead of him because you only have three items, or the smiles from strangers, or the smell of the evergreens, or the laughter of children, or your missing six month old child found sleeping peacefully in the laundry basket surrounded by three first graders wrapped in towels pretending to be the wise men during the neighborhood Christmas party.
Our language sets the emotional stage for our experiences. If you want a stress-free holiday season then begin by using language that is stress-free. Speak in terms of what you want to experience and say the things you wish you were hearing. Gandhi once said to “be the change you wish to see in the world,” what a better time than this season to do so?
Christmas, in particular, is truly what you make it. After all, Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th, Christians adopted that date from the pagans along with many other traditions such as the use of holly, a decoration originally used to celebrate the Roman holiday Saturnalia. This is a time of celebration, of lighting up the winter darkness, a melding of traditions, a season of hope and a holiday of magical possibilities. It’s a time when a baby was born to save the world, when oil lasted eight times longer than it should, when a jolly old man can circle the globe in record time and fit down chimneys too small for his arm. Forget the stress and the demands and go straight for the cheer. Dream of the perfect holiday and make the decisions that bring it to life. A great place to begin is with your language.
So when your child spills milk on the dinner table, someone cuts you off in traffic, or you watch a customer purchase the last Xbox 360 you were after, try a new approach. Most likely the child didn’t intend to spill the milk, so surprise her with a calm, happy reaction such as, “If only I had a dime every time I spilled milk as a kid we’d be rich!” And look at the bright side, the table is extra clean after wiping it all up. Imagine the reaction you’ll get from the child and the joy you will create in the family. Regarding the traffic incident, what if you smile and wave knowing that they are in just as much of a hurry as you are and your kind reaction could keep them and others safer? As for the Xbox 360, well, can you imagine the impact you will have if you say to that lucky person: “Congratulations! You are so lucky; I was going after that same item. Hey, have a lot of fun with that!” The season is what you make it, so make it the way you want it to be instead of letting it default to the way others want it to be. You can either own your reality or be a player in someone else’s reality.
To everyone I wish the very merriest of seasons, and that all your magical dreams come true. And if just for a day, I want you to experience the joy of hope and the sense of peacefulness that falls upon the heart as you find all the reasons to be happy, to believe in yourself and to be grateful for all that has been bestowed upon your life. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Cool Yule to all!
