I am finding a number of clients recently, and if you read my newsletter this month you know I can easily be included in this group, that are experiencing significant roadblocks in their lives and the answer is coming down to dealing with issues of clutter. I am finding that for many of us our physical environment holds a correlation between our current physical state and what we want different in our lives.
The bottom line is, when we fill our life up with stuff; boxes in the garage, clutter on the counters, an avalanche of papers on the desk, worry in the mind, weight on the body… we leave no room for something new to take hold and sprout.
While the problem may seem huge and insurmountable, the solution is often a subtle shift, a simple change that can make a break-through difference in our life, such as cleaning out just one drawer in the kitchen, or organizing the hall closet. The irony is that a small step can have nothing to do with the major clutter in front of our eyes and yet can have a significant impact just the same.
Take the issue of weight. We all know the secret to weight loss! Move more, eat healthier food and less of it. Yet, that doesn’t always work. Sometimes dramatic weight loss is but a simple shift in understanding. For instance, a client of mine realized that eating was a form of reward. Every time he felt disadvantaged or put out, he would use the phrase “I deserve_______” and fill in the blank with a cookie, latte or some other sugary snack. When we removed food as the reward, we opened up space for a new, non-food related reward as well as the possibility that the experience itself doesn’t warrant any “reward” to begin with. And that’s the point. Answers are seldom found in the problem, but more often found surrounding the issue. For this gentleman, food was the issue, not the problem, the problem was in the interpretation of his experiences. Food was just the easy out.
We hear it and say it all the time, “my life it so full!” Our days are like cups that runneth over and the thought of squeezing in time to add the simplest task, much less clean up the clutter can seem overwhelming. Well, in order to fit something new into our lives, including a new behavior, we generally need to remove something old; otherwise we get weighted down both literally and figuratively. The problem facing the removal of something lies in the stories we attach to these items.
Too often these “objects,” this clutter, is not what we see when we look at it. Instead, what we see is evidence of our incompetence, proof of our weakness, the untapped potentials in our lives, the unfulfilled goals, the dreams drifted away, the “some day we’re going to…’s” It’s not about the object at all, but rather what object represents that stands in our way of removing it from our lives so we can make room for something more serving to us.
I have clients who hold on to pain, memories and self-judgment with a Vulcan Death Grip, not because they are proud of it, but because it defines who they are and with out it, they would lose their identity. I know plenty of people who haul thousands of pounds of boxes from house to house, year to year and have not opened them for 20+ years, but refuse to let go of them because they are such “cherished memories.”
Here’s my question: If it is really a cherished memory, then why not display these boxed items with prominence and pride? What you are really saying is that the memory is held deep in your heart, where it belongs, and the physical representation has nothing to do with what is cherished. But, the thought of getting rid of it freaks you out, and yet, by getting rid of it, you make room for a new experience and a new memory.
Living with clutter, all forms of clutter, is like trying to sail a boat by keeping a line tied to the dock. You can do it, but you can only get so far. Not only will the drag of the line slow you down, but eventually you will reach the end of the rope. Cutting the line doesn’t mean you can’t sail home, but it does open up a world of possibility. So ask yourself these questions:
1) What does your environment look like? What kind of clutter are you holding onto physically, mentally or emotionally that you have carried with you day-to-day, year-to-year and refuse to let go of?
2) What is the story behind it? What are you telling yourself about this clutter that prevents you from letting it go? Is it absolutely true, or does it just feel true?
3) If it is so special, choose: Do you want to give it a prominent place of honor in your life or home or do you want to honor the memory, thus releasing the baggage from your physical life to make room for more memories, experiences and freedoms?
In one of the original Star Trek movies, Spock’s brother kidnaps the Starship Enterprise to take it past the end of the known universe in search of God. He had a gift for releasing people’s pain and as a result became a cosmic guru. In route to the end of the universe, he helped virtually everyone on board, but when it came to Kirk, Kirk refused to let go of his pain. He said he needed his pain because it is who he is. Like Kirk, we hold on to our past and our stuff because, if we lose it, we become afraid that we lose our identity as well. We think our past is who we are. It is how we have come to identify ourselves and it has become the unquestionable foundation of our lives. It’s time to question these things and the beliefs we hold on to so dear. What do these pounds of extra weight, boxes of “heirloom,” or thoughts of self-judgment really mean? Take the parts that serve you well, in a positive and empowering way, then let go of the rest and not only will you find a new level of happiness, you will open up the opportunity for experiences you can’t even anticipate yet.
