A common mistake many leaders and parents make is the belief that giving empowerment to their employees or children is enough. If I “empower” them they will rise up, and while it’s true that you may have the authority to give certain responsibility, you don’t have the power to make them take it. Have you ever handed someone a gift that you were proud to give and they look at it, turning it in their hands and ask: “What is it?” Sometimes our empowerment is received the same way. Just because it is clear to us doesn’t mean it’s clear to them. We empower our children and teams all the time to be self-confident, responsible and authorities of their own lives and roles, and yet they sometimes fail to take that responsibility and execute. As leaders/parents, our objective is to draw out the power and responsibility that exists within them.
It’s not a giving thing. It’s a cultivating thing.
Empowering comes from connection. If they feel connected, they feel empowered. Connection has two levels–on one level they are connecting to the leader as a person, and on the second, they’re also connecting to the “mission,” or whatever the leader/parent is trying to get them to do. If you have employees, or kids, who are not buying into your message, it’s because they’re not seeing it the way you are. They’re not connected to you, or your message, or both. How do we bridge that gap and make the connection? Like a great teacher, the first thing you have to know is what your student thinking. Steven Covey said “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Sage advice. As their leader, you need to understand what’s important to them, what they really want, the problem that they’re trying to solve with their life or position. If you don’t understand this, there will be no connection, and therefore no empowerment, no matter much you hold them accountable. What is their perception of their situation? How do they see the story of their life right now?
Once you know that, you can find the connection between what we want them to do and what they want to do. I discussed this specifically in the Marissa Mayer story at Yahoo—did she, as a leader, consider the stories her employees wanted to tell with their lives? You’re asking them to take responsibility and align with what you want—but are you aligning with what they want? How can their needs and desires fit into the objective the leader has for them? If you don’t understand this, and can’t connect your vision/leadership to what they want, then it’s near impossible to motivate or empower. That’s when leadership and parent-ship falls into coercion, force, and trying to “make them” do something. And that’s not leadership.
Next week: What if what they want and what I want from my team can’t align?
