In a couple of days, some of us will make a decision to spend time with family and friends. We’ll celebrate love and connection, share in good food, and to honor those in our lives with each other’s presence and kindness as we give thanks for so many blessings.
In a couple of days, some of us will choose to avoid age-old traditions because members of our tribe feel differently than us. Emotions are raw, and there is too much at stake to just sit idly by, avoiding the elephant in the room. So, rather than engage in an argument, you will deem it best and more respectful to stay away.
In a couple of days, some of us will show up at family gatherings, armed and ready to defend our positions, to share our feelings, to provide ample evidence to support our views. Alcohol will flow, tongues will wag, and wedges will be driven deeper into the cracks of already fragile relationships. And worse, each side will walk away triumphantly — always believing in the sanctity and validity of their position, proud of the verbal and intellectual blows they landed on their opponent, unaware (or perhaps, uncaring) about the damage left in the wake.
I don’t know what this Thanksgiving holds for you. But may I offer you an important reminder as you head off into this week?
Acceptance is not agreement.
I need not agree with you to accept you or to love you. Jesus, Gandhi, MLK and many others have taught us that. We live in trying times — and for many, frightening times. This is true. But within the growing division that is this nation, we are also the same. We are humans, members one and all of the human race, and if we can look at those with whom we disagree and accept them for who they are, we can build a bridge. I need not agree with you to accept your humanity, to feel your pain, to honor your presence, to see your worth and dignity. Let us remember, as we give thanks this week, that hate is not the opposite of love — apathy is. And while you may disagree with your uncle, or parents or sister-in-law, they care too. They may care about different things, but they care. And that caring is the bridge. It’s a magical and strange bridge, I know. From your side, that bridge looks like love on your end, hate on theirs; and from their side it looks like love on their end and hate on yours! But when you look at it from each side, all it looks like is love. Give thanks for that caring bridge. We don’t change minds with words, we change them with connection and love. Be like the tree that gives shade to all who sit beneath it, regardless of race, creeds, or political views. If we are a person who loves, then we love all who sit around our Thanksgiving table this week.
I’m thankful for you. Those that agree with me, and those that accept me even though you don’t agree with me. I’m thankful that we get to ask the powerful questions together and to share in our learning. Thank you for being a part of my life.
