If you don’t brag about yourself, who will? Your mom? Unfortunately, our society has taught us that bragging is bad, rude or conceited. I would agree, if it’s being used to insult or put down another, or to appear superior, or arrogant. If, however, bragging is done in the spirit of respect and compassion and used as a sincere way to share a glimpse of your personal story with another, then it can be endearing, empowering and even unifying.
Point #1: It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it.
When given the opportunity to talk about ourselves, most of us resort to the encyclopedia method of communication: place of residence, job, marital status, number of kids, maybe our favorite hobby. While the listener may expect such a clinical response, when someone responds differently, with more enthusiasm or creativity, it catches our attention. If it’s spoken with humble confidence we feel honored and connected.
Point #2: If you aren’t interested in what you are saying, the odds have it your audience isn’t interested either.
Positive bragging is a lot like selling yourself. Unfortunately too many people have a negative opinion of sales. If you view sales as manipulation or coercion, then you are likely to view bragging as aggressive and unflattering because it’s used as a tool to intimidate. This is like when you were young and complained how difficult your life was and your dad would say “when I was your age I walked to school 10 miles one way, up hill in both directions!” The problem with that kind of bragging is it’s about one-upmanship and it leaves you vulnerable to attack. The listener is no longer interested in you because the dialogue has turned into a competition and you might well get a response such as, “Well, when Abraham Lincoln was your age he was president of the United States!” This kind of bragging doesn’t bring people closer to you, it pushes them away.
However, if you view sales as positive, a process of matching product with need, then bragging is nothing more than the education of a prospect about your product…you! When a young sales person started out, the story goes; he was struggling with converting his prospects to clients. He said to his manager, “I can lead the horse to water, but I can’t make it drink.” The manager replied, “Ah, that’s the problem, your job is not to make them drink, your job is to make them thirsty.”
Point #3: Positive bragging is about telling a story about you that connects with the listener in a meaningful way, so they become curious about you and who you are.
Benefits of Bragging:
- Improved self confidence
- Better posture
- The ability to see greatness in others
- More Romance, that goes for the married and the unmarried. I’m married but I still love it when my wife agrees to go on a date with me.
- Job opportunities, you never know who you are talking to, or the potential connections that will lead from it.
- You begin to see patterns in your life and you realize truths about yourself, such as being a healer, an artist, a builder, a teacher…
- Rut buster. It breaks the habit of negative self talk.
- Most people are about as happy, successful, in love… as they make up their mind to be. Bragging raises you to another level of happiness, success, love, whatever you want.
How do you do it? One way is to answer questions with information that excites you. If someone doesn’t know the truth about you, then all they can know is what they see. If you simply answer, “I’m a lawyer” and the person you are talking to has a negative opinion of lawyers, then they will makes assumptions about you based on what they think they know or understand about lawyers. Your goal is to break those assumptions. Instead you could respond with “I am changing the world by balancing the scales of justice!” Or, “I’m protecting the environment from within the legal system.” What makes these responses powerful is they are sincerely about the speaker with no comparison or judgment about the person with whom they are talking.
Point #4: Think in terms of how you want people to see you, then use language, stories and information to demonstrate that perspective
Tips for Bragging:
- Start a brag book! Include anything and everything you do well, from the mundane to the profound; from I make a delicious bowl of cereal, to I write powerful poetry.
- Read your brag book!!
- Believe what you read in your brag book!!!
- Learn how to take a compliment. Hint: Your response starts with “Thank you very much!” not “whatever…” “yeah but…” or any other discounting language that tells the person who complimented you that they don’t know what they are talking about.
- Set a habit of noticing three things a day in other people that you like and admire, then search until you find the same trait in you. Studies show that they will be there!
- Ask yourself everyday: what is my favorite thing about my day? List as many as you can, but there must always be at least one.
- Create an “elevator speech” a short, one sentence comment about you, like the daycare comment above “I’m changing the world one child at a time.” Then add a 3 minute follow-up statement so that when they ask for more information you are prepared to back it up. Then keep it growing until you also have a 5minute and 10 minute version as well.
- Be genuine and sincere! This is the most important tip for bragging. If it isn’t honest, people will see right through it, or worse, it may yield the wrong return.
Being public about your greatness is just the beginning. As you start to express the things that make you great and give you power, you start to feel better about yourself. This translates into how you treat others, how often you smile, and your overall behavior in a positive way. As you become more acquainted with your greatness and your ability to recognize it, you gain the unique ability to find the greatness in others. Bragging is about finding in yourself the confidence to be who you truly are, the power to change, and the courage to use your gifts and talents.
Recognition of this greatness sets you on a path of optimism, seeking “glass half-full” perspectives. You will find what you are looking for. Look for bad things and you find them, so why not look for the good things and you will find them too?
Point #5: Bragging is about personal truth telling. It’s an art and a gift all wrapped up in your greatness!
