Be willing to be wrong about your limits, so that you can be right about your possibilities.”
—Alan Cohen
Whether you are graduating from high school, college, graduate school or even a career as you enter retirement, it can be easy to get overwhelmed by the future. So here are five secrets to navigating this profound transition in your life.
1) Nothing beats back fear like information and knowledge. So when you get intimidated because you are comparing yourself to others or the goals you have set seem so big, take the time to look back on your life and get in touch with your greatness. If you can’t figure it out, ask your friends and family to express what they love and respect about you. Recount your proudest accomplishments and write them down. Then look at the skills they demonstrate and the gifts they illustrate and choose to own them.
2) Realize mistakes are the building blocks of success. Julius Irving said “To be an innovator you can’t be worried about making mistakes.” Mistakes are not to be feared, they are simply a fact of life. The secret lies in how you respond to them. Part 1: Make a decision consciously so it truly serves your goals and desires, and respects your values. When you do, even if the decision turns out differently than you expect, you will have nothing to regret or lament, instead you will have experience and wisdom. Which leads me to Part 2: Do not judge your decisions of yesterday with your knowledge of today. Why? Because you now have new information. At the time you make any decision, all you know is what you know and nothing more. You most certainly don’t know what the outcome of that decision will be. Once you learn the outcome you may use that information for the next decision, but not for beating yourself up about the first one. You did your best, so look forward, move on and be proud in your willingness to take the chance and earn your mistake.
3) Take stock. The stock market says past performance is no indication of future gains. The same applies to life. Your success in school or business is not a guarantee to your success in life or retirement. Look at what you are leaving behind. Your past has formed your identity, your purpose, your direction and more. You mastered the skills to thrive in that environment and those skills may not serve you the same in your new life. The first major disappointment is generally felt when that realization takes hold, so prepare for it. Take the time to feel the fear, the pride, the confusion and any other emotion that may be hanging on. Acknowledge what you are saying goodbye to; whether it be the freedom of college or the power of your career. If you just “put it behind you” without addressing it directly, it has a way of coming back in the form of regret, “the good ole’ days,” or a loss of identity. Don’t give it that kind of power.
4) Take time to explore. Life is a journey, so steal a page from your childhood and play “I Spy” along the way. Take time to notice how you are adapting to and feeling about your new life, post graduation or post retirement. You may not feel the way you thought you would at this point in your life. Your dreams may begin to shift; your goals may begin to change. Stay aware of what these changes are telling you. Just because you preached for years that you were going to be a financial wizard after college or sail around the world in your retirement doesn’t mean you are obligated to do so if your goals and desires change. Many of my clients felt like they lost control of their lives somewhere, like they got caught on a treadmill and can’t get off. By staying aware of what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you are feeling about it along the way, you retain control of your life.
5) When looking into your future, see with the clarity of your eyes. You have crystal clear clarity at arms length, but as objects move further away the detail is reduced. By the time something is a mile away you are lucky to discern shapes and colors depending on its size. The same is true with life. By all means, dream, plan, set goals and define your long term aspirations, but be cautious about the level of detail. If you get too specific about how life looks in five years, you may be living with blinders on and missing profound possibilities along the way. Take the time to look up and test your theories for accuracy and continued relevancy instead of just looking for ways to prove yourself right. As Alan Cohen said, be willing to be wrong about your limits, so you can be right about your possibilities.
Life can seem overwhelming and uncertain at these major crossroads of graduation and retirement. So if you find yourself in such a quandary, remember, your next decision is not your most important decision, it is simply your next decision. The criteria you use to make the decision, and the manner in which you respond to the outcome, is far more important than the decision itself. Success is simply getting up one more time than you fall down. Should you happen to fall, get up, remember the five secrets and build your future – one step at a time.
