One of the challenges of leadership is recognizing, owning and accepting the fact that what you say and what people hear are often very different things. It can be hard to accept that it’s not all about what you say–it’s about what people hear. There’s a great quote out there attributed most commonly to Richard Nixon that goes: “I know you think you know exactly what you thought I meant to say, but what you fail to realize is what you heard is not what I meant at all.” We think that we say it, and people hear it, and they hear what we mean. But they don’t–they hear their interpretation of what we mean.
When people experience your leadership, what they are really experiencing is the reflection of themselves in your leadership. How do they see themselves through your leadership? Can they rise up from where they are? Do they see themselves as honored, validated, supported, and worthy in their reflection of your leadership? Or do they experience intimidation, weakness, inferiority and doubt in your leadership? Leadership is of course rooted in who you are and what you put out there, but it is inherently experienced in how people see themselves in its reflection.
