Often, when a client shares with me their doubts and insecurities—an intimate and difficult thing to share—I have to marvel at how similar these fears are to other clients I’ve met with. “You’re the third person this week to say something like that,” I said once, recalling my previous two meetings. My client’s eyes widened.
“Really?” he asked.
I chuckled. “If only you knew.”
We have a tendency to think our fears are unique. The truth is they’re far from it. That deep secret fear you’re convinced is only hidden in your own heart? It’s a fear many, many others share.
In fact, the things we fear often are the very things that connect us to the world and to other people. No one likes to feel vulnerable, but it’s often in our vulnerability that we are able to make real connections.
I’m working with a new client on public speaking. One of the core elements of an effective speech, as we recently discussed, is a true human connection with your audience. In order to develop that connection, the speaker has to be vulnerable. They have to be willing to expose something that gives the audience an insight into the speaker’s humanness, their weakness, their fear, and their doubts. Only then will the audience be able to say, “Wow, I know exactly how you feel! I feel that way to!” What’s funny is, especially as public speakers, we can develop that intimacy unintentionally by making a mistake. Once, while walking up the stairs to the stage, I completely fell flat on my face. I certainly didn’t mean to do that, but the audience and I shared a laugh together. Most people can relate to embarrassing yourself, and by sharing that we actually established a connection! Go figure!
We strive so hard to be perfect, but it’s our imperfections that connect us. Don’t try and hide them.
Photo credit Celestine Chua via flickr under the Creative Commons License
