I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on the idea that every interaction we have affects the people around us in ways we might not fully understand. Something that C.S. Lewis wrote in his book The Four Loves speaks to this, and I can’t seem to get it out of my head:
Lamb says somewhere that if, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but “A’s part in C,” while C loses not only A but “A’s part in B.” In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [Williams] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [J. R. R. Tolkien’s] reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, “Here comes one who will augment our loves.” For in this love “to divide is not to take away.”
(For more context, including Charles Lamb’s letter to his friend William Wordsworth which Lewis references, check out this post from Note & Query.)
Essentially, Lamb and Lewis observe that when one friend dies (or exits a close relationship with a group), the others lose something unique about that person. It’s not just the individual who is impacted, but the entire dynamic shifts.
It’s as if these relationships form a sort of Venn diagram. In the center, they share something unique and overlapping, and without one of the friends, the diagram is broken. None of the parts remain the same in relation to the others.
As leaders, this concept is vital to understand. Each person on our team engages with others differently based on the dynamic at play. The way we interact with someone might not be the same as how others do, which is why leadership isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Your presence, energy, and the way you engage can empower or hinder someone’s ability to perform at their best.
Think of it this way: just as the moon brightens our nights, the people around us impact our behavior. It’s essential to recognize and respect these different energies, because how you make people feel — whether empowered or diminished — matters in ways you might not immediately recognize.
I’d invite you to consider the ways you and your team might be a bit like the Venn diagram I imagine. What sort of “special sauce” does your interconnectedness create? What is at stake if one of the members of your team is diminished — or lost?
Recognize that. Value that. Empower each individual to keep on bringing to the group what they alone can offer.
Photo by Artem Sapegin on Unsplash
