Not only do kids say the darndest things, many times they say the most brilliant things. Such was the case of our five year old daughter Sarah recently.
Lamenting the frustration often found during the day, my wife, Julia, asked Sarah why she and her younger sister Leah get along so well in the evening, and so poorly in the morning. Without missing a beat Sarah replies: “Mom, we don’t know each other in the morning!”
“What?!” says Julia in a tone of genuine confusion and disbelief, with a tinge of “you’ve got to be kidding” thrown in as she shakes her head, hoping it will make a little more sense as she rolls the response around in her brain.
“I’m serious, Mom. We don’t know each other in the morning.”
Bewildered, Julia watched as Sarah found what she was looking for and returned enthusiastically to the play room to enjoy the same child that a mere hours earlier Sarah wanted to return for a different model.
Unfortunately, I missed the whole exchange and got the summary upon my return that evening. Shocked, I looked at Julia and said: “Hmm, how profound.”
“Really?! Because I’m not seeing the profundity, I just want their behavior at the end of the day to last all day!” said Julia.
Imagine if we approached each day with a clean slate.
Imagine if we looked at each other in the morning with fresh eyes, without all the baggage of yesterday and days gone by.
Imagine if our governing premise each morning was one of insatiable curiosity.
What makes Sarah’s comment so profound is the natural innocence with which she spoke her truth. It wasn’t even a question, it was a statement. As children we are in touch with such a genuine rawness about life, unencumbered by prejudice and baggage, free to see things as they are rather than how we think they are supposed to be. It’s only as we live in this world of judgment and rules that we lose the ability to simply be.
Sarah made a brilliant statement about life and human dynamics that day when she said “we don’t know each other in the morning.” In that place she leaves open all possibilities, good and bad. She approaches the day saying “I’m Sarah, who are you?” Sometimes she says it with a smile, sometimes with a scowl. At the end of the day, however, her experience of her sister is based on her experience with her sister instead of what we tell her the experience should be. As a coach I can only admire and respect the conviction with which she so honestly experiences her world and sees it what it truly is.
By leaving preconceptions behind, you can free yourself from past transgressions so people and circumstances that offended you yesterday have no negative impact on you today. So often the frustration we experience with people we like and love comes from the sting of disappointment that follows the expectation that good people yesterday won’t hurt us today. Sarah doesn’t expect Leah to be great or frustrating in the morning, so she is neither surprised or disappointed. When Leah does wonderful things she rejoices in the excitement instead of accepting it as “normal” because Leah did a wonderful thing yesterday. As a result, Sarah lives fully in the moment. It’s not that all moments are great, it’s that all moments are honest and genuinely present.
Here are three tips for living the adult version of a five year old:
- Find fun and humorous ways to wake up happy. Maybe the music you put in your CD player that comes on with the alarm is Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Maybe it’s a sign you tape to the ceiling that says “Right side of the bed this way” with an arrow point to your side of the bed. Maybe you tape to your bathroom mirror a picture of an experience in your life that every time you think about you feel great. Maybe it’s the word “Smile” in big letters attached to the back of the sun visor in your car. Whatever it is that speaks happiness to you, give it a presence in your life. Remind yourself constantly of the person you want to be.
- The next time someone is saying or doing something that frustrates you or with which you disagree, do what a five year old isn’t mature enough to do yet, ask yourself, “What if they are right?” Then search for ways in which they are right. All you need is one point that makes sense and you can find a common platform to change the direction of the conversation.
- If you have a bad experience during the day, such as: having an argument with your partner, someone flipping you off, having a fender-bender or getting stung by a bee. Write down the experience on a piece of paper and shred or burn it before going to bed. Take a conscious and deliberate action and say to yourself that you are letting go of this negative experience. This way you go to bed with a clean slate, no longer bound to a previous experience, but eager to wake up with a new opportunity to create another great day in your life, choosing what it is you want to find and experience.
Here’s to living like a five year old!
