Over the last few weeks, we’ve talked about understanding others, stepping back from over-fixing, and separating identity from mistakes. Sometimes, though, the challenges a leader faces go deeper than coaching can reach.
Leadership behaviors are often tied up with things beneath the surface: past trauma, internalized shame, or deeply ingrained beliefs about self-worth. Coaching alone can’t always solve that. When the issues go deeper, surface strategies and tools may help temporarily, but they won’t address the root cause — and the cycle can keep repeating.
I worked with a client recently who was exhausted by her own perceived failures. At first, it seemed like a leadership habit — but the depth of internalized shame showed this was bigger. It was like putting up new drywall to cover black mold behind it: surface-level fixes just won’t cut it.
Acknowledging this takes care. Simply saying, “You need therapy,” can feel judgmental or accusatory. People often hear that as a criticism rather than support. Instead, I try an invitational approach: “I think you deserve support beyond what I can provide. Let’s find it together.” That phrasing respects dignity and gently connects them to the right resources.
This isn’t just about coaching clients. Leaders will encounter team members carrying invisible burdens — stress, trauma, mental health struggles, or even undiagnosed neurodivergence — that affect performance. Recognizing when coaching isn’t enough lets you support people without overstepping, while keeping accountability and professional boundaries intact.
Leadership is about knowing when to act, when to step back, and when to connect someone with the help they need. It’s the next step in the journey we’ve been exploring: first, understanding others; second, resisting the urge to fix everything; third, separating identity from mistakes; and now, recognizing when the challenge goes beyond coaching and into deeper care.
Supporting someone in this way doesn’t make you weak — it makes you a more effective leader. It creates a culture of trust, shows that you value people as human beings, and ensures that no one has to face their struggles alone. Sometimes the most important thing you do as a leader isn’t coaching at all — it’s helping someone find the right support so they can thrive, for themselves and for the team.
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
