Leadership,  It’s Where you Place the Pressure that Counts!

Here’s a leadership lesson from an engineer – apparently we need to see with more than our eyes.

Did you know that wagon wheels and bicycle wheels work in exactly the opposite way? NEITHER DID I! They are both round, they both ride on an axle and they both roll backwards and forwards; how can they work in opposite ways?! To my knowledge, neither of them work sideways.

True, my engineering friend pointed out, all those observations about wheels are true, but would you put a wagon wheel on a bicycle?
“No.” I answered.
Why not?
Thinking my answer was just too obvious, I said: “It’s too cumbersome and heavy.”
Exactly, you would never win the Tour de France with a wagon wheel on your custom graphite alloy frame.

And therein lies the secret.

Wagon wheels are made of wood, and as a material, wood is a strong and reliable material so long as you play to it’s strengths, which happen to be dead opposite of the strengths of those thin wire spokes on a bicycle wheel. You see, wood works best under the downward pressure of compression, whereas the thins wires of a bicycle wheel would crumble like tinfoil if placed under the pressure of compression. On the other hand, bicycle wheels hold up quite well if pulled on under tension.

When a wagon wheel rolls, it pushes down on the spokes of the wheel, whereas, a bicycle axle pulls down on the spokes. Should you try and pull on a wooden spoke it would separate from the rim, and conversely, a wire spoke would simple collapse under the pressure of compression. But try and ride a wagon through the rutted, furrowed fields on a bicycle wheel and you are unlikely to get very far. Even though they are both wheels, they are quite different, each having its own logical place.

Which are you, a wagon wheel or a bicycle wheel? Do you prefer to be pushed, or pulled? What about your team members, your family, your kids or your spouse? We have a tendency to see what we see – a wheel’s a wheel, they all ride on an axle and do the same thing – oh, you are an engineer, you are this way; or you are an artist, I need to treat you that way… We look only with our eyes and see what can easily be seen, but what about the unique properties of the materials being used, what about the unique qualities of the individuals you are working with? Some engineers are purely logical, others quite artistic such as the one who taught me this lesson. Some respond well to the Steve Jobs form of leadership where he is in your face with harsh criticisms and lavish compliments. Others would collapse under such pressure. So take a leadership lesson from wheels. It’s not the job they do, all wheels roll, it’s where you place the pressure that counts.

The U.S. debt ceiling debate over the last few weeks could be teaching you one or the other of two significant leadership lessons. Which lesson do you want to learn?

One is autocratic. When facing opposition to your needs, wants, expectations or desires you could stonewall; simply hold your ground and demand that the opponent meet you 100% on your side of the table. You could declare that certain components are “off the table” or “non-negotiable” and thereby short sheet any real dialogue or conversation simply because you can. It’s the classic “I’m right. You’re wrong, get over it and agree with me, otherwise I will make your life miserable.” Clearly this is a possible leadership style because virtually every player in this summer’s debate demonstrated it at one time or another.

The other is collaborative. Alternatively we could realize the fruitlessness of both autocratic leadership and the goal of compromise. After the President signed the bill, Senator Harry Reid said, “No one walked away from the table happy. That is the hallmark of compromise.” When I heard that, I nearly fell out of my seat – and I was driving at the time!  No one happy? That’s our goal?  We live in the greatest nation on earth, or so they keep telling us from both sides of the aisle. If Congress means to tell us that our leadership goal is one of compromise in which no onw leaves happy, then it’s time for a new leadership goal.

When running your business, organization, non-profit or family, do you really want a compromise, which leaves no one happy?  Would you want to compromise the brakes in your car? Would you want to compromise the structural integrity of your home?  If not, why would you want to compromise your business, organization or government?

Instead of compromise, consider collaboration as the real goal. Now granted, when we bump up against an autocratic leader, this option is infinitely more challenging. Fortunately in the real world, most leaders have more finesse and compassion than our U.S. congress members apparently have.

How do you achieve collaboration? Well, for starters, you change the way you approach things. And one of the best examples of this comes from the movie, Apollo 13. There is a scene in which the lunar module is running out of oxygen because the scrubbers – the filters that clean the air – are clogging. Ground Control needs to find a solution, so they call their engineers together in a room and pile copies of everything currently available to the astronauts on the Lunar Module and the Command Module onto a large table – nothing more, nothing less. There is no wishing they had something else and there is no debate as to why the filters were designed differently between the two crafts. Instead, they have to figure out, literally, how to fit a square peg in a round hole. This scene isn’t about the engineers getting what they want, or finding out whom to blame for the inconsistent design. There is no time for that. Instead, the engineers collaborate. They take all the materials made available to them and they ask the powerful question: What can be done with the parts that we have? We all know the end of the story: they figured it out. They collaborated!

The leadership lesson from the Debt Ceiling Crisis isn’t how to find a solution that makes everyone equally unhappy. The question is how to create something that supersedes what we have previously understood as possible? Whether you are working with physical parts as with the Apollo 13 lunar module challenge, or a collection of mismatched, uniquely designed ideas, philosophies or objectives, how do you get the people in the room to work together to create a solution they are excited about?

While compromise looks at reality and reduces it down to the lowest, unhappiest, common denominator, collaboration does the opposite. By looking at reality and building it up into something new and effective, collaboration ensures a result that everyone can be proud of, not because it’s their own idea or there is someone else to blame. Rather, collaboration creates something greater than the two agendas, something that didn’t exist before, something that works better than expected and which achieves the intended goals in powerful, positive, exciting, and dare I say “happy” ways. That’s a goal we can all get behind.

Autocratic Compromise or Collaboration: which personal and professional leadership lesson do you want to live?

They take responsibility. They don’t give excuses or blame. You can always tell a great leader because they never spend time pointing fingers or calling people names. Instead, when things are not going well they ask a simple and powerful question: “What role have I played in this problem, or how have I contributed to the outcome?”

The natural tendency for most of us is to say, “I didn’t do anything; it’s the ________’s fault!” And you can fill in the blank with anything that has truth: the economy; a competitor, sales person, or manager; the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, and the list goes on. In truth, there is always more than enough blame to go around.

This article was inspired by an argument I heard on the radio this week about the “entitlement generation,” you know, the young people who want everything handed to them, who don’t want to work, who want to sponge off mom and dad. Sure there are a few slackers out there, ready to take advantage of the system. Those folks have existed in every generation. But let’s flip that around for a moment.

Who were the ones handing out trophies to EVERY player regardless of whether they won or lost? Who was the one hovering at school and fighting their children’s battles for them? Who was the one saying “You can be anything you want, you’re great, you’re perfect, you’re a superstar,” regardless of ability. It wasn’t the kids! What the ruling generation is calling the entitlement generation is the by-product of the ruling generation’s own behavior and choices. The young people didn’t create this culture; they learned it. The question is from where?

What would happen if we stopped the name-calling, the blaming, the finger pointing and the criticism and asked the simple question: How have we contributed to this outcome? If instead of calling them the “entitlement” generation, we merely referred to the next generation, and saw them as an extension of ourselves, how might we respond to them? How would it feel to look at the role we have played in their growth, development and outlook on the world?

Leadership is challenging. It takes work to solve problems and it takes courage to seek solutions because you might find out you were wrong. Leadership takes responsibility and doesn’t blame or give excuses.

Ask about your own role, and you might find the origin of the problem. In addition, you may just create a culture of solution-focused team-building rather than a culture of self-preservation. Then, perhaps, you will actually solve problems. Once you remove all the language around blame and deflection of responsibility, all that’s left is truth and possibility.

Leadership is a behavior, not a position. Behave responsibly.

As I was pondering the problem of leaders who overlook negative symptoms in their organizations, I received food for thought from my naturopath at Nature Cures Clinic. In a newsletter article, Nutrition Mission: Improve your Health through Food, nutritionist Maria Zilke made a fascinating point:

“We are very adept in this country at shutting up our symptoms – if we have a headache we take a couple of aspirin, a body ache has us reaching for a bottle of ibuprofen.  Acid reflux or GERD is soothed with antacids – and even our red, itchy dry eyes are treated with fake tears!  Symptoms are no longer considered to be the body’s way of communicating  - they’re conditions that must be relieved so that we can ignore them a while longer.”

As leaders we often do the same thing with our business. We view symptoms as annoyances to be relieved rather than seeing them as the insights into exactly what is out of alignment in our organization. Far too often and to our detriment, we view common issues-complaining employees, incomplete paperwork, errors in programming, reduced morale, employees showing up late for work-as irritations that simply must be relieved. However, more often than not these common business ailments actually indicate a larger workplace condition needing attention.

As Maria points out in her article, the problem with ignoring a symptom is that it doesn’t really go away; it just gets louder and more demanding if we fail to address the real cause.

Might the symptoms in your organization be warning you of a potential hazard? Perhaps the real issue behind program errors is a communication gap that everyone is too afraid to name, one that leaves people unclear about their objectives and responsibilities.

Could low morale at work be a function of fear that you, as the leader, have the ability to alleviate if only you become conscious the fear exists?

Incomplete paperwork might be less a function of lazy employees and more a function of forms that fail to effectively meet either the needs of the organization or the workflow of the team.

As human beings we are quick to judge, quick to blame, quick to deflect and way too quick to swallow a pill. We go for the quick fix rather than taking the time to address the underlying conditions that give rise to the visible symptoms. As a leader of self or others, take a moment to reconsider these symptoms, or annoyances, that plague you or your organization. Consider the root causes. You may rediscover that your people are awesome, and that just a few simple circumstances or conditions are standing in the way of their greatness.

Have you ever been responsible for a group of people who, try as they may, just couldn’t seem to gel into an actual team?

I had this experience years ago in Scotland when I directed a one-act production called Impromptu, in which the real-life actors were playing roles, each with lines and a script. Their characters were also actors, drawn together in an unscripted scene depicting an organic experience of human development and interaction.

Actors playing actors playing real people not acting; it was multi-layered and brilliantly written, with a level of complexity that, I now realize, was a bit much for a first time director. Fortunately, I didn’t know better.

The problem was that no matter what we did, how I directed, or how we collaborated, the performance came out stiff and scripted rather than natural and, well, impromptu.

Two-thirds of the way into our rehearsals I had an epiphany that dramatically changed our course.

I realized that we were seeing these characters as characters, rather than as people with lives and pasts, loves and conflicts, dreams and hopes, failures and ideas all their own.

So I asked the actors to write the autobiographies of their characters, everything from where and when they were born to what their parents and friends were like.

I then invited the actors to a new location and asked them to come without their script, dressed in a manner completely befitting their character. When they arrived, there was a sign on the door explaining what to do next:

“Upon entering this room you are to remain silent until instructed to do otherwise. You may move, sit, look, eat, drink or do anything socially acceptable, so long as there are no words, and so long as you make no move, gesture, expression or act that would not be exhibited by your character.”

The energy changed entirely. Suddenly they got it. They all began to carry themselves differently. The demur character melted into the background. The arrogant one became a presence larger than himself. One by one, they began to transform themselves and their characters became real, personified, and understandable.

“From this moment forward,” I then explained, “whenever you walk into rehearsal, you are your character. I don’t care if you’re tired or cranky, or want to goof-off and mess around. You can do anything you want, so long as it is in character. You want to tell me off? Do it as your character would do it. You want to joke? Go ahead, but only if it’s the kind of joke your character would tell. When you are outside, be whomever you want. When you are in this room, you are your character. Period.”

When we finally pulled the script back, there was very little work left to do. The group gelled. We connected. We had so thoroughly become our characters that no one needed to act like they were improvising. We were simply being who we had become. The play came alive, the actors disappeared and the characters stepped up on stage. The production was voted “Best One-Act” in the series.

So what’s the leadership lesson? Cultivate the “character” of your people and you give them two of leadership’s most powerful gifts: understanding and connection.

People don’t pretend very well. We are all asked to play roles in our work and in our lives but seldom do we take the time to develop and cultivate them, fully understanding their depth and impact or how we are meant to engage and respond. Too many people are going through the motions in life because they either fail to understand the emotions or they can’t connect with what is being asked of them.

As a leader, when asked to head up a new project we might look at the responsibility as a simple series of tasks or maybe as a burden on top of an already full plate. But there’s another way to see it. Our challenge is to cultivate greatness in others by giving people the opportunity to understand their role completely; to see how it fits the organization, the team, the mission; to discover how they want to be in the role, how they want to respond to others in the process; to decide how they want to react to the challenges and frustrations that are sure to arise.

We need to do this within ourselves as well: define our role, name it, fully understand its character, ask how this leader would react to the situation, hold others accountable, and respond to opposition, to name just a few behaviors.

Playing a given role then becomes a very powerful tool for engagement, authenticity and connection. Far from being mechanical, the role becomes human and real, embodying a level of understanding often overlooked.

As leaders we play many roles in our lives. While there is integrity and a core set of values that runs through all of them, there are differences in behavior and responsibility within each. A corporate leader doesn’t hold her friends accountable in the same way as her vice presidents. The roles of president and friend are different, and the key is to understand how they are different and who exactly we want to be in each of them.

Just like my actors on the stage I ask you, “Who are you being? And how deeply do you understand that being?”

Watching the State of the Union Address and the Republican Response this week, I realized that we live with a leadership model designed for zero-sum gain. Real progress in our nation’s capitol is not being made, not because we do not know what to do, but because we are not willing to implement what we know. Neither side is wiling to yield the stage of success to the other side for the fear that the public will perceive the opposition as the winner, the catalyst and the miracle worker and will thus get an unfair amount of the credit and reward, relegating their own team to second place losers.

The real fear is that if the Republicans were to actually help Obama solve the financial crisis in a way that truly serves the nation, rather than special interests, the public would see Obama as the reason for success; we would view his leadership as the keystone. Likewise, if the Democrats were to suddenly reach across the aisle and solve a problem while the Republicans have control of the House, it would look like progress is only being made because the Republican’s are in the driver’s seat. Republican leadership would be extolled as the superior methodology. And since neither side is willing to yield that kind of political capital and power to the other, things are moving at a glacial pace. The heavy price of this strategy is being paid by employees, not CEOs; by the environment, not corporations; by the citizens, not the politicians.

Harry Truman once said: “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” Hmmm.  If only.

When did we confuse leadership with autocratic, absolute rule dictatorship, that “my way or the highway” attitude?  Leadership isn’t about getting our way regardless of the fallout and causalities inflicted along the way. Leadership is about influence, restraint, and the ability to lead the people for whom we are responsible to new heights, to new possibilities and to a reality far greater than any of us could achieve on our own. It’s about connection, collaboration and creation.

The most powerful and effective leaders recognize that they don’t have all the answers. They don’t think that just because they “make the big bucks” they’re always right, with carte blanche to do what they want.  Powerful leaders capitalize on their teams; they draw insight, knowledge and perspective from a wide array of sources including those with whom they disagree.

So let me ask you, what kind of leader are YOU? And by leader I mean both kinds, the inward leader and the outward leader; the leader of self and the leader of others.

Are you a “Damned if You Do/Damned if You Don’t” kind of leader, that is, a leader who leaves people no way out? No matter what they do; you will focus on the flaws and mistakes or the things they could have done better?  Are you one who takes the idea of accountability to a new low, leaving people no room to make a mistake and, if they make one, no time to correct it, a one strike and you’re out kind of guy? Do you treat people as “only as good as their last mistake?”

Or, are you a courageous leader who recognizes that accountability means holding people to their personal level of greatness; looking at mistakes and failures as stepping stones, course corrections, insights and opportunities rather than indictments and evidence against them?  Are you courageous enough as a leader to be wrong or to empower your team even if their solutions are different than yours? Are you the kind of courageous leader that is willing to meet people where they are, rather than where you wish they were, and to recognize that it’s not just about you? Leadership is not about consensus, it’s about collaboration. What could be built if it didn’t matter who got the credit? What a powerful leadership question!

Our politicians seem to forget that they all play for the same team, Team Congress, and what they view as “opponents” are simply fellow team members on Team USA. They lack the strength to let an “opponent” within their organization contribute, win, and be a viable participant in the solution. If you follow their example you will always settle for the lowest common denominator. You will never reach the pinnacle or true success, achieve the impossible, or awaken a dormant soul. Instead, a genuine leader draws people in from all sides because there is something to learn from every perspective and everyone wants to be a part of a greatness above right and wrong, above party lines, above ego. Now that’s True Leadership.

Leadership carries a plethora of responsibilities, not the least of which is cultivating a powerful, effective and evolving team. As leaders we wear many hats and when the going gets tough, it’s easy to grab the hat that says: “Get it done! That’s why I hired you!!” When what is more often needed is the hat of a coach.

This one powerful secret to leadership lies in the ability to cultivate emerging leaders, others who can step up and be as effective as you, or in some cases, better than you in the areas you are weakest. But how? Most leaders are never taught how to engage their team in a way that cultivates the relationship and empowers the leader within them. Instead, far too many pull rank, make demands and set expectations without providing the tools necessary to deliver the results. The secret? Meet people where they are, rather than where you wish they were.

It’s no mystery that people move at different rates and are impeded by different obstacles so the next time you need to engage with a team member in a way that could cultivate their leadership skills, as them this question: What is the most important thing we should be talking about right now?

This will allow you to engage with them from their perspective rather than what you think is their perspective. It can get to the heart of their obstacles quickly and open the kind of dialogue that builds trust and moves business forward. Leadership is a behavior not a position; sometimes it requires patience, sometimes it requires decisive action, and sometimes it requires a powerful coaching question.

Want to be a better leadership coach and learn more about how to cultivate emerging leaders? Click Here

Are you responsible for developing emerging leaders?

Are you cultivating hidden talents?

Do you have the opportunity to empower individuals personally or professionally to achieve higher levels of success and happiness?

Those are just a few of the objectives of the Fierce Conversations Coaching module. In this half day workshop you will learn, practice and experience the elements of a powerful, deep-dive conversation used by Fierce coaches globally.  This process is designed to increase clarity, improve accountability and provide the impetus for positive action or change. Additionally it works equally as well with clients to get to the heart of their needs and overcome the obstacles standing in their way to action.

SpringboardNW and Steven Fulmer, Inc are proud to present this powerful half day workshop that will have a direct impact on your leadership skills.

Date: September 14, 2010
Time: 8am – 12 noon
Location: McMenamins Kennedy School,
5736 N.E. 33rd Ave. Portland, OR 97211 (map)
Registration Deadline: September 8
To Register: CLICK HERE

For any questions, please feel free to contact me at 503.806.0527

A Taste of Fierce Conversations®

Have you ever avoided a conversation because it was too risky, too scary, too emotional or you just plain didn’t know how to begin it?  I know I have! Most of us just aren’t taught how to have the “real” conversations in our lives, you know, the ones that truly advance our careers, relationships and lives; and the models we have via family, television and the movies sure don’t give us the skills we seek.  As a result, too many of us have careers go down hill, or relationships dissolve, or friendships fade into the past because we don’t know how to talk about something that is truly meaningful and important.  What if that could change?

The Sufi poet Rumi once said: “Out there beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there!”  What would it take to get past the judgment we have of each other, of the ideas of right and wrong, and actually meet people in a place where we can connect as humans – not ideas, labels or our past? What would it be like to seek connection and understanding; to build relationship over “rightness?” 

There is a secret to achieving this and it starts and ends with the focus on the relationship. Ask yourself this simple question: Is what I am about to do or say going to enrich the relationship at the center of the issue? If there answer is no, are you willing to try something different? If the answer to that second question is yes, then I would like to invite you to a special luncheon. 

I am proud to announce that I have become a certified facilitator within the Springboard NW team for a program called Fierce Conversations ®.  Springboard NW is the authorized provider for Fierce Inc. in Oregon and we are proud to be rolling the program out here in Portland.  If you manage a team, are responsible for the leadership skills or business development of an organization, serve as a CEO, or face a relationship you would like to improve, these could be two of the most important hours you have spent in a long time.

A Taste of Fierce Conversations®

“What gets talked about in a company and how it gets talked about determines what will happen. Or won’t happen.”

Thursday, August 26, 2010 from 11:30 AM – 1:00 PM (PT)

McMenamins Kennedy School
5736 N.E. 33rd Ave.
Portland , OR 97211

Click Here for details and registration

For questions, please call: 503.806.0527 or email me at Steven@StevenFulmer.com

I present this not as a political debate, though I am aware some will perceive it that way.  Instead, I see it as a powerfully clear message that speaks to the heart of the matter: humanity. Fear is real and always will be, but the test that all our religions put to us is the level of compassion and humanity with which we respond to that fear.  The mere expression of this blog post brings fear for me, fear that some may no longer see me as a viable speaker or coach for them or their group because of this post. I don’t present these words as a division.  I simply connected with them at a core, visceral level that brought tears of compassion to my eyes as I watched, and I wanted to share it with those who would listen – not in judgement, but in love.

If you have trouble viewing the video, CLICK HERE to play in YouTube

I found this link on the web after reading the poem in a doctor’s office. It’s beautiful with some wonderful advice.

How to Really Love A Child

You read me right. Have an average day! Weird? I know, but here’s the thing. Greatness isn’t measured against the ordinary or by the absence of mistakes or the days you failed. Historically speaking, the ones who have achieved the most are also the ones who missed the most. I read recently that Michael Jordon holds both the NBA scoring record AND the record for the most number of shots taken and missed. Funny how that works. Then it hit me, it’s about the average!

“Go for singles rather than home runs. They’re a lot easier to hit. Besides, every four singles equals a home run…and the bases are still loaded!” Eric Harvey

What a profound thought. Imagine stressing a little less, loading up the bases and reaching a point when a simple base hit scores every time! Don’t get me wrong, home runs are awesome and the adrenaline rush is great, but life isn’t a game that just lasts a few hours and a different strategy might be in order.  Perhaps when the goal isn’t a great day, but an average day, you take the pressure off and make room for really great things to work their way in.  After all, don’t you find that it’s the relatively average things that make every day worth living? Things like that smile from your four year old that lights up your whole day, or a client that makes progress, sunshine, walking up to the check-out and having no line, hitting all the lights green on your way to an appointment that you would have been late for had you hit any one of them red…  These aren’t the things of greatness, they’re just the things of life.  Isn’t that the kind of day we want in the end? Then, when the stars align and we hit that grand slam, it’s all  the better because we haven’t been living for it.  We’ve simply been living good, average days made all the better by moments of greatness. Make room for the greatness, live for a high average, celebrate the day.

Was that a fascinating Superbowl or what? OK, I admit it, I was raised in Baltimore and while I never took it personally, I never quite understood the Colt’s departure in the middle of the night. Combine the whole Baltimore connection with the fact that I’m not a big sports fan, when it came time to pick a team for the SB, well, I went with the Saints.  Besides, I thought New Orleans could use the boost, I have some good friends from New Orleans and they seemed awfully excited about their team making it to the big game, and if that’s not enough, my girls like the Saints uniforms better (Hey, I said I’m not a big sports fan).

That being said, I must admit, I was unimpressed with the Saint’s performance for much of the first half, I mean they were within yards of a touchdown, what, twice when the ball got turned over? Arrrgh.  It seemed like they just couldn’t do anything great, except for their kicker who was like a machine. Then came the second half!

WOW! They came out of half-time and who knows what.  Perhaps it was listening to The Who that did it, I mean, if those old guys can still do what they do, surely the Saints can step it up – and step it up they did.  From the kick-off on, they simply played creative football and never stopped moving forward! Quite simply, they played. If they couldn’t get a touchdown, they went for a field-goal. But they weren’t afraid to take chances either, whether it was an on-side kick or a going for the the two point conversion they had the courage to stay in the game and play smart, but aggressive.  They never stopped being present the entire game and nothing proved that more than the interception that locked the game in their favor.

If only we could live our lives more like they played! It’s too cliche’ to say, “it ain’t over ’til it’s over” but that is simply the truth.  Too many of my clients and friends and even me sometimes, get caught up in our mistakes, seeing it as evidence against us. As a result, we focus on our mistakes and ask what went wrong, instead of being wholly present and asking what’s next; and therein lies the secret to life.  Had the Saints focused on score or mistakes or the the things that weren’t going their way, they never would have won their first Superbowl.  So here are some simple lessons of life, courtesy of the New Orleans Saints via the eyes of an executive life coach:

1) Believe that anything is possible regardless of the evidence that might lie before you.

2) Play in the moment, rather than in the past.  Remember the lesson of the stock market; past performance is no indication of future gains! Ohh how the Saints proved that yesterday. The first half was no indication of the gains about to come in the second half.

3) Stay alert and look for opportunities, you never know when a pass will be thrown your way – have the courage to reach for it.

4) Take chances when the opportunity warrants it.

5) Play smart, but play

Now go out there and win the Superbowl of your life!

I came across this anonymous poem this morning at a time when I really needed to read its words, so I thought I would share it with you in case it helps. Have a great week.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong

As they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging

Seems all up hill,

When the funds are low

And the debts are high,

And you want to smile

But you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must

But don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When you might have won had you stuck it out.

Don’t give up,

Though the pace seems slow –

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are;

It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

It’s a simple question; are your 10-12-14 hour days and your 6 and 7 day work weeks a function of a highly developed work ethic, or are you behaving that way out of guilt? Do you really enjoy your work that much; are you are empowered by such a commitment?  Do enjoy the overall experience? Or, do you feel drained and out of control, where other people and circumstances are pulling the strings of your life? Are you feeling bad because you aren’t able to get the work done in a “normal” work week and “should” be spending more time with family?

Consider this.  A strong work ethic doesn’t create quilt and drain your power and emotional energy. If you are empowered by the choices you are making then you are in control of your life and your dedication is a choice.  Moreover, you likely aren’t regretting what you are giving up in order to live this work schedule you have chosen.

If, however, the opposite is true and you are regretting the time you aren’t spending work and your mind is often where you are not, i.e. at work when you are on vacation, or wishing you were with your kids every Saturday you spend at the office, you might be operating more from guilt than work ethic. So what do you do?

First, get clear on what a work ethic really is and isn’t.  “Work Ethic” implies a positive thing.  It’s “ethical” and possesses a certain moral quality. But it isn’t obsession.  Working long hours has less to do with work ethic and more to do with the fact that working is likely more fun to you than the alternatives. Some enjoy skiing on the weekends, others enjoy putting the finishing touches on a big deal or catching up at the office during the downtime.  It’s not about ethic, it’s about fun. Where do you enjoy spending your time?  Work ethic isn’t demonstrated by the amount of time you put in, it’s demonstrated by the level of quality and commitment you put in.  People with a high work ethic give it their all when they are at work, will go above and beyond when appropriate, but realize that you could work 24/7 and still not get everything done.  Therefore, part of the ethic demands one to have the ability to know when to say no to long hours, so they can say yes to themselves; and separate, clear their head, recharge their batteries and spend the appropriate amount of time with family and friends. This way, when they are back at work, they can be wholly engaged and committed instead of lamenting what they are missing or giving up.

Second, Get clear about your obligations and responsibilities and then let go of those that aren’t yours.  Too often when people confuse work ethic with guilt, they take on responsibilities that aren’t their to take, thus adding to their burden and work load unnecessarily.  Unload the superfluous and take responsibility for your responsibilities and leave unto others their own responsibilities. If you are a manager then by all means step into the coaching role and empower others.  Here is where the old cliche about giving a fish or teaching to fish becomes very apropos.

Third, learn to forgive yourself.  Too many people have a tendency to drop into negative judgment about what they aren’t capable of and thus over compensate for these judgements with time.  Negative judgments seldom (if ever) serve you will, so drop the negative part.  If you find yourself in judgment, remember the words of Sargent Friday: “The facts ma’am, just the facts.” What are you being judgmental about? If there were no positive or negative emotion layered on top, what might the judgment reveal about how to accomplish the task or deal with the shortcoming? If you can look at the places where guilt tends to rise, you can often find the solution you seek.  However, if all you experience is the guilt, all you see is what you aren’t. Forgive yourself.  Give yourself permission to make a mistake. Then ask yourself what the facts are about the situation and what you can do about those facts. Which leads to the last point.

Forth, be willing to ask for help.  A positive work ethic doesn’t mean you have to carry the burden on your own.  Learn to deligate or ask for assistance.  No one wants to be dumped on, but most people are willing to work beside you and assist.  And remember, this request can go all four ways.  You can ask those who report you as well as those you report to, and you can be asked by those who report to you and by those you report to (remember point 2, however).  Not only can this help lighten the load, it sets you up as a true leader, one who knows how to engage others, and get things done with and through people in a positive way – no guilt – and that’s a great work ethic.