Leadership carries a plethora of responsibilities, not the least of which is cultivating a powerful, effective and evolving team. As leaders we wear many hats and when the going gets tough, it’s easy to grab the hat that says: “Get it done! That’s why I hired you!!” When what is more often needed is the hat of a coach.

This one powerful secret to leadership lies in the ability to cultivate emerging leaders, others who can step up and be as effective as you, or in some cases, better than you in the areas you are weakest. But how? Most leaders are never taught how to engage their team in a way that cultivates the relationship and empowers the leader within them. Instead, far too many pull rank, make demands and set expectations without providing the tools necessary to deliver the results. The secret? Meet people where they are, rather than where you wish they were.

It’s no mystery that people move at different rates and are impeded by different obstacles so the next time you need to engage with a team member in a way that could cultivate their leadership skills, as them this question: What is the most important thing we should be talking about right now?

This will allow you to engage with them from their perspective rather than what you think is their perspective. It can get to the heart of their obstacles quickly and open the kind of dialogue that builds trust and moves business forward. Leadership is a behavior not a position; sometimes it requires patience, sometimes it requires decisive action, and sometimes it requires a powerful coaching question.

Want to be a better leadership coach and learn more about how to cultivate emerging leaders? Click Here

Are you responsible for developing emerging leaders?

Are you cultivating hidden talents?

Do you have the opportunity to empower individuals personally or professionally to achieve higher levels of success and happiness?

Those are just a few of the objectives of the Fierce Conversations Coaching module. In this half day workshop you will learn, practice and experience the elements of a powerful, deep-dive conversation used by Fierce coaches globally.  This process is designed to increase clarity, improve accountability and provide the impetus for positive action or change. Additionally it works equally as well with clients to get to the heart of their needs and overcome the obstacles standing in their way to action.

SpringboardNW and Steven Fulmer, Inc are proud to present this powerful half day workshop that will have a direct impact on your leadership skills.

Date: September 14, 2010
Time: 8am - 12 noon
Location: McMenamins Kennedy School,
5736 N.E. 33rd Ave. Portland, OR 97211 (map)
Registration Deadline: September 8
To Register: CLICK HERE

For any questions, please feel free to contact me at 503.806.0527

A Taste of Fierce Conversations®

Have you ever avoided a conversation because it was too risky, too scary, too emotional or you just plain didn’t know how to begin it?  I know I have! Most of us just aren’t taught how to have the “real” conversations in our lives, you know, the ones that truly advance our careers, relationships and lives; and the models we have via family, television and the movies sure don’t give us the skills we seek.  As a result, too many of us have careers go down hill, or relationships dissolve, or friendships fade into the past because we don’t know how to talk about something that is truly meaningful and important.  What if that could change?

The Sufi poet Rumi once said: “Out there beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there!”  What would it take to get past the judgment we have of each other, of the ideas of right and wrong, and actually meet people in a place where we can connect as humans - not ideas, labels or our past? What would it be like to seek connection and understanding; to build relationship over “rightness?” 

There is a secret to achieving this and it starts and ends with the focus on the relationship. Ask yourself this simple question: Is what I am about to do or say going to enrich the relationship at the center of the issue? If there answer is no, are you willing to try something different? If the answer to that second question is yes, then I would like to invite you to a special luncheon. 

I am proud to announce that I have become a certified facilitator within the Springboard NW team for a program called Fierce Conversations ®.  Springboard NW is the authorized provider for Fierce Inc. in Oregon and we are proud to be rolling the program out here in Portland.  If you manage a team, are responsible for the leadership skills or business development of an organization, serve as a CEO, or face a relationship you would like to improve, these could be two of the most important hours you have spent in a long time.

A Taste of Fierce Conversations®

“What gets talked about in a company and how it gets talked about determines what will happen. Or won’t happen.”

Thursday, August 26, 2010 from 11:30 AM - 1:00 PM (PT)

McMenamins Kennedy School
5736 N.E. 33rd Ave.
Portland , OR 97211

Click Here for details and registration

For questions, please call: 503.806.0527 or email me at Steven@StevenFulmer.com

I present this not as a political debate, though I am aware some will perceive it that way.  Instead, I see it as a powerfully clear message that speaks to the heart of the matter: humanity. Fear is real and always will be, but the test that all our religions put to us is the level of compassion and humanity with which we respond to that fear.  The mere expression of this blog post brings fear for me, fear that some may no longer see me as a viable speaker or coach for them or their group because of this post. I don’t present these words as a division.  I simply connected with them at a core, visceral level that brought tears of compassion to my eyes as I watched, and I wanted to share it with those who would listen - not in judgement, but in love.

If you have trouble viewing the video, CLICK HERE to play in YouTube

I found this link on the web after reading the poem in a doctor’s office. It’s beautiful with some wonderful advice.

How to Really Love A Child

You read me right. Have an average day! Weird? I know, but here’s the thing. Greatness isn’t measured against the ordinary or by the absence of mistakes or the days you failed. Historically speaking, the ones who have achieved the most are also the ones who missed the most. I read recently that Michael Jordon holds both the NBA scoring record AND the record for the most number of shots taken and missed. Funny how that works. Then it hit me, it’s about the average!

“Go for singles rather than home runs. They’re a lot easier to hit. Besides, every four singles equals a home run…and the bases are still loaded!” Eric Harvey

What a profound thought. Imagine stressing a little less, loading up the bases and reaching a point when a simple base hit scores every time! Don’t get me wrong, home runs are awesome and the adrenaline rush is great, but life isn’t a game that just lasts a few hours and a different strategy might be in order.  Perhaps when the goal isn’t a great day, but an average day, you take the pressure off and make room for really great things to work their way in.  After all, don’t you find that it’s the relatively average things that make every day worth living? Things like that smile from your four year old that lights up your whole day, or a client that makes progress, sunshine, walking up to the check-out and having no line, hitting all the lights green on your way to an appointment that you would have been late for had you hit any one of them red…  These aren’t the things of greatness, they’re just the things of life.  Isn’t that the kind of day we want in the end? Then, when the stars align and we hit that grand slam, it’s all  the better because we haven’t been living for it.  We’ve simply been living good, average days made all the better by moments of greatness. Make room for the greatness, live for a high average, celebrate the day.

Was that a fascinating Superbowl or what? OK, I admit it, I was raised in Baltimore and while I never took it personally, I never quite understood the Colt’s departure in the middle of the night. Combine the whole Baltimore connection with the fact that I’m not a big sports fan, when it came time to pick a team for the SB, well, I went with the Saints.  Besides, I thought New Orleans could use the boost, I have some good friends from New Orleans and they seemed awfully excited about their team making it to the big game, and if that’s not enough, my girls like the Saints uniforms better (Hey, I said I’m not a big sports fan).

That being said, I must admit, I was unimpressed with the Saint’s performance for much of the first half, I mean they were within yards of a touchdown, what, twice when the ball got turned over? Arrrgh.  It seemed like they just couldn’t do anything great, except for their kicker who was like a machine. Then came the second half!

WOW! They came out of half-time and who knows what.  Perhaps it was listening to The Who that did it, I mean, if those old guys can still do what they do, surely the Saints can step it up - and step it up they did.  From the kick-off on, they simply played creative football and never stopped moving forward! Quite simply, they played. If they couldn’t get a touchdown, they went for a field-goal. But they weren’t afraid to take chances either, whether it was an on-side kick or a going for the the two point conversion they had the courage to stay in the game and play smart, but aggressive.  They never stopped being present the entire game and nothing proved that more than the interception that locked the game in their favor.

If only we could live our lives more like they played! It’s too cliche’ to say, “it ain’t over ’til it’s over” but that is simply the truth.  Too many of my clients and friends and even me sometimes, get caught up in our mistakes, seeing it as evidence against us. As a result, we focus on our mistakes and ask what went wrong, instead of being wholly present and asking what’s next; and therein lies the secret to life.  Had the Saints focused on score or mistakes or the the things that weren’t going their way, they never would have won their first Superbowl.  So here are some simple lessons of life, courtesy of the New Orleans Saints via the eyes of an executive life coach:

1) Believe that anything is possible regardless of the evidence that might lie before you.

2) Play in the moment, rather than in the past.  Remember the lesson of the stock market; past performance is no indication of future gains! Ohh how the Saints proved that yesterday. The first half was no indication of the gains about to come in the second half.

3) Stay alert and look for opportunities, you never know when a pass will be thrown your way - have the courage to reach for it.

4) Take chances when the opportunity warrants it.

5) Play smart, but play

Now go out there and win the Superbowl of your life!

I came across this anonymous poem this morning at a time when I really needed to read its words, so I thought I would share it with you in case it helps. Have a great week.

Don’t Quit

When things go wrong

As they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging

Seems all up hill,

When the funds are low

And the debts are high,

And you want to smile

But you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must

But don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When you might have won had you stuck it out.

Don’t give up,

Though the pace seems slow –

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out –

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are;

It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

It’s a simple question; are your 10-12-14 hour days and your 6 and 7 day work weeks a function of a highly developed work ethic, or are you behaving that way out of guilt? Do you really enjoy your work that much; are you are empowered by such a commitment?  Do enjoy the overall experience? Or, do you feel drained and out of control, where other people and circumstances are pulling the strings of your life? Are you feeling bad because you aren’t able to get the work done in a “normal” work week and “should” be spending more time with family?

Consider this.  A strong work ethic doesn’t create quilt and drain your power and emotional energy. If you are empowered by the choices you are making then you are in control of your life and your dedication is a choice.  Moreover, you likely aren’t regretting what you are giving up in order to live this work schedule you have chosen.

If, however, the opposite is true and you are regretting the time you aren’t spending work and your mind is often where you are not, i.e. at work when you are on vacation, or wishing you were with your kids every Saturday you spend at the office, you might be operating more from guilt than work ethic. So what do you do?

First, get clear on what a work ethic really is and isn’t.  “Work Ethic” implies a positive thing.  It’s “ethical” and possesses a certain moral quality. But it isn’t obsession.  Working long hours has less to do with work ethic and more to do with the fact that working is likely more fun to you than the alternatives. Some enjoy skiing on the weekends, others enjoy putting the finishing touches on a big deal or catching up at the office during the downtime.  It’s not about ethic, it’s about fun. Where do you enjoy spending your time?  Work ethic isn’t demonstrated by the amount of time you put in, it’s demonstrated by the level of quality and commitment you put in.  People with a high work ethic give it their all when they are at work, will go above and beyond when appropriate, but realize that you could work 24/7 and still not get everything done.  Therefore, part of the ethic demands one to have the ability to know when to say no to long hours, so they can say yes to themselves; and separate, clear their head, recharge their batteries and spend the appropriate amount of time with family and friends. This way, when they are back at work, they can be wholly engaged and committed instead of lamenting what they are missing or giving up.

Second, Get clear about your obligations and responsibilities and then let go of those that aren’t yours.  Too often when people confuse work ethic with guilt, they take on responsibilities that aren’t their to take, thus adding to their burden and work load unnecessarily.  Unload the superfluous and take responsibility for your responsibilities and leave unto others their own responsibilities. If you are a manager then by all means step into the coaching role and empower others.  Here is where the old cliche about giving a fish or teaching to fish becomes very apropos.

Third, learn to forgive yourself.  Too many people have a tendency to drop into negative judgment about what they aren’t capable of and thus over compensate for these judgements with time.  Negative judgments seldom (if ever) serve you will, so drop the negative part.  If you find yourself in judgment, remember the words of Sargent Friday: “The facts ma’am, just the facts.” What are you being judgmental about? If there were no positive or negative emotion layered on top, what might the judgment reveal about how to accomplish the task or deal with the shortcoming? If you can look at the places where guilt tends to rise, you can often find the solution you seek.  However, if all you experience is the guilt, all you see is what you aren’t. Forgive yourself.  Give yourself permission to make a mistake. Then ask yourself what the facts are about the situation and what you can do about those facts. Which leads to the last point.

Forth, be willing to ask for help.  A positive work ethic doesn’t mean you have to carry the burden on your own.  Learn to deligate or ask for assistance.  No one wants to be dumped on, but most people are willing to work beside you and assist.  And remember, this request can go all four ways.  You can ask those who report you as well as those you report to, and you can be asked by those who report to you and by those you report to (remember point 2, however).  Not only can this help lighten the load, it sets you up as a true leader, one who knows how to engage others, and get things done with and through people in a positive way - no guilt - and that’s a great work ethic.

Transition is inevitable, disruption is not always bad and, let’s face it, Shakespeare had a good point. It’s been said ad nausea that “nothing is so constant as change,” and while truth lives within the letters of that statement, too often that sentiment is invoked at times when the change is viewed negatively, unwarranted or unwanted. No, this is not a “power of positive thinking” article but when Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet Act II, Scene II) he had a good point.

In today’s economy and world circumstance, it is inevitable that companies will restructure, reorganize and make changes in an attempt to be more efficient, more effective and wiser in their ways. Unfortunately, such actions are often misunderstood, resisted and rejected by both the internal teams that are expected to carry out those transitions, and the clients who will be receiving the results of those transitions. The question is how one creates “buy-in?” The answer is simple, though not easy, and it’s found in Newton’s first law of physics: Inertia.

Inertia: An object in motion remains in motion until met by an opposing force. The problem with times of stress and transition, however, is we resort to past habits rather than new opportunities. Our old habits of intolerance creep back, all those great lessons we learned in management seminars are suddenly forgotten and there’s no time to be nice, there is just time to react. Instead of moving forward, asking what is possible; we “go back to what worked last,” or worse yet, stop thinking at all and simply engage a kind of auto-pilot to push through to the other side. Instead of learning new techniques and continuing with training and development, we pull back viewing such expenditures as superfluous or luxuries of a more affluent time. And herein lays the mistake. You can never go back and (thanks Einstein) you can’t use the same line of thinking to get out of a problem as you were using when you got into it.

Transitions are scary because they are filled with unknowns. Are you facing or implementing a transition in your business and looking for buy-in? Then go through it, not around it. Acknowledge the fears, doubts and concerns put forth by those affected. Validate their perspectives so you can create an environment that draws people in rather than simply passing down edicts that hold them an arms length away. Most people don’t need to be right, they just want to be heard, and remember, you’ve been contemplating your transition for “x” amount of time, everyone else will need time to come up to speed, understand the value, buy into the proposition, and figure out how they can step into the transition in a way that serves them as well as the transition is going to serve your company. Help them figure those questions out and anything is possible.

The question isn’t whether the transition is good or bad, as Shakespeare taught us, the answer lies in our thinking, (and might I add, our feeling). We don’t change our thinking by force or coercion, we change it over time through insight, education and the freedom to question, challenge, explore and vent. Integrate that kind of environment with your teams and clients and they will walk along side you and possibly even help you find solutions and opportunities within the transition even you didn’t think of.

Since this topic has up about a half dozen times this week alone (and the week is only 3 days old) I thought I would blog about it.

While there are MANY ways to engage in conversations and MANY theories of communication, there is one core question I ask everyone who challenges me on this topic: “What is your intention in this discussion?” With a little clarification probing, it is always to convince the other person to agree with them or at least to change the other person’s opinion.  If that is your objective then you might as well just smack them in the head an move straight to the fight.  Human beings naturally resist change, especially when they think that are right, and even more so if they are not asking for input.

Now this may sound obvious, but it’s amazing how often the obvious is overlooked. If you want to communicate and form a personal and/or a business relationship with someone who possesses a different point of view, start with a new intention.  If you intention is to learn from them why they think and feel the way they do, then there is no conflict. Stephen Covey said it best: “Seek first to understand, than to be understood.” He doesn’t say anything about convincing.

Generally speaking, the other peson is unlikely to be looking for you to change their mind, so if your satisfaction is dependent on the single, unlikely outcome that they change, you are likely to be frustrated or disappointed. However, if you intention is simply to hear and share, regardless of the outcome, the other person will feel more honored and respected.  With enough respect and honor on the table there is little room for defensiveness and confrontation.  Just imagine the places you can reach from a starting point of respect and honor.

I’ll leave you with one of my personal favorite axioms I coined: “Acceptance is not agreement.” You need not agree with another person to accept them as a likeable or lovable human being worthy of respect.  We were built with two ears and one mouth, use them proportionately.

Watch this a second time and you will have a totally different perspective, I promise!

…find something to smile about and feel good about in today’s economy and I’ll tell you to watch this:

This video was made in the Antwerp , Belgium Central Station (train). On a Monday morning, with no warning to the passengers passing through the station, a recording of Julie Andrews comes on the public address system singing “Do, Re, Mi.” As the bemused passengers watch in amazement, some 200 dancers begin to appear from the crowd and station entrances.

George Bernard Shaw

Both my wife and I have developed a network marketing business on the side, she with Shaklee and me with Send Out Cards. And one of the number one objections we get is the old school thought that only the people at the top make money with those programs, or only the first distributors make money which, or course, isn’t true.  But in light our our current economic situation and how poorly the “real” companies are being run I thought this was a fascinating perspective, not to mention quite an eye-opening perspective of corporate America.

Sorry. I just had to say that publically.  Thanks for endulging me.  I’m just tired of using and hearing the economy as an excuse.  The world is what we make it.  If we want, we can make it a collapsed economic nightmare. OR, we can make it something else.  I vote for something else, how about you? Let’s plan for the best that is humanly possible and search for all the evidence and support that it exists.